Monday, March 31, 2008

Fresh popcorn

Back at the beginning of March, I said get your popcorn ready for the month. February was a great month, not just for writing, but for me solidifying who am I and what I can be. And I made the claim that March would be just as interesting, if not moreso.

Was it?

The popcorn tasted fabulous.

The past 31 days of writing were fantastic. Like a submarine, I keep diving deeper and deeper into what I can do and what I can be. I'm like a miner, digging and digging and pulling out diamond after diamond.

In fact, there was a 10-day stretch where I produced some of my best writing since I started the blog. The writing showcases the depths of my heart and my soul. It shows the world what I can be, not only as a man, but as a human being. What I am capable of, which is so much.

Like a proud father, here are my babies for the world to see and take heart in.

I am proud of the words I have written. I am thankful and grateful that my heart can pour all of this out to the world. I am grateful for the challenges that have allowed me to become greater than I was. I am hopeful that I can become greater than I am, selflessly, for someone else, somewhere.

I am grateful for April, to see how much further I can go, how much I can become.

I look forward to making more fresh popcorn.


Om mani padme hum.
Do I remain ready to give and receive the best from someone else?

Every time my heart beats.


I'm grateful for...

waves, jazz, creativity, being alive, my five, persevering, thinking, being quiet, vulnerability, strength, the sun, dreams.
Although I haven't written about them in a while, they are still present. They still come. At some times, barely a whisper. At others, wave after wave. I can't control them, I have no power over them. I let them do their thing in me.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Where it's at

I love where I'm at, what I can do, what I can be.

I know where I'm at, what I can do, what I can be.


Before the Stanley Jordan concert, he did a Q&A with the audience. One of the members asked him about how much he practices. Because he's wrapping up his album, he hasn't had as much time, so he thinks about practicing. And he says that is as effective as the actual act of picking up his axe and tapping.

I like that concept.

Two things at once

They say it's hard to do two things at once. Tell that to Stanley Jordan.

I saw this virtuoso guitarist a few days ago, and it was amazing. Some people don't like jazz because they think there is little if anything to it. They're not paying attention; they're not engaging all of their senses. When you're sitting down at a club or a theater, you're not being this little brown jug that the artist is pouring in.

You are watching and listening to art being created. Yes, watching. Watch Jordan play the guitar.

Haven't seen anything like that, have you? It's called touch playing, or tapping. Most guitarists strum and pick. Jordan can do that, too, but watching him tap seems to give him more freedom of movement. space and creativity.

Watch his fingers run up and down the fretboard. They move like a dancer moving gracefully, powerfully, across a stage. A pianist does the same thing. Even a saxophonist. When you experience jazz, you are watching the music and the motions of the artists become one. Does it seem like you're just sitting there? Only if you want to think you are. Only if you choose to be disengaged.

Not only am I listening to Jordan's virtuosity, I'm watching his fingers create soundscapes, watching him dance to his own creation. I'm taking all of it in.

More creativity: this was a solo show, just him and his guitar. And a piano. During the second set, he walked over to the piano and started playing, guitar still strapped to him. Then, something I hadn't seen before happened. With his left hand still playing piano, he started playing guitar with his right. Seamlessly. As if one hand was answering and collaborating with the other. It was one of the more stunning things I've seen or heard at any concert.

Being a jazz musician, he can improvise, too. He made up a song on stage, a good, lyrical tune. I respected that and enjoyed it greatly. While he played, I thought: this is how life is sometimes. You have to improvise and make something happen at the moment of greatest peril. I am grateful for that musical lesson he taught me.

Jordan is also quite spiritually aware, another thing I respect. He has a CD coming out April 22 called "State of Nature," and the music, from reading the program, seems to be informed by his awareness of himself and the environment.

"The two main ideas ideas that consumed my thoughts were these: Human beings need to get back to nature, which extends to the environment as well as our bodies--the part of nature we carry around in us, and we need to evolve intellectually, spiritually and politically. Neither will work without the other. I believe that when we become more educated, we'll be better problem solvers."


And this...

"If you think about space and how empty it is, here we are on a planet that is so nurturing to us. We need to get back to that. Look at the cracks in the sidewalk. The power of life is so strong that a little seedling can crack the concrete and come through."

Heady stuff? Yes, but I'm telling you something--it's graspable. If you want to grasp it.

Yes, you can get all of this from a jazz concert. Maybe you should go to one and find out what you can discover, what you can change.


Saturdays are fertile times for vivid dreams.

I was walking in Paris, where I can't remember. As I'm walking, I
decide I'm going to just take off all my clothes. Shirt, pants,
underwear--only the shoes stayed on. The bemused looks I got from the
Parisians didn't bother me one iota. It was natural to be in that state.

Stripped down to my essence. And what essence is that? Heart, soul,
spirit, soul, love, passion.

The good stuff. Naked before the world.

Friday, March 28, 2008


When I look in the mirror, I laugh. Again, not in sadness, anger, defiance, stubbornness. But I laugh at how extraordinary my circumstances have become. How extraordinary I am.
He says modestly.
That brings to mind a quote from somebody (I can't remember)--I'm a humble man; I have a lot to be humble about.


A child's greatest plaything is not a toy--it's the box it came in. In other words, imagination.

As adulthood comes, the sun of the imagination is obscured by the clouds of selfsame growing up. Some of us, though, have the power, the strength, the creativity to continue to imagine and play.

I nurture mine everyday.


From Arthur C. Clarke:
His epitaph for himself would have well suited man as he wanted him to be. "He never grew up; but he never stopped growing."


While my head may seem to be floating in clouds of possibilities, my feet are firmly planted in reality.


In everything I do--everything--my intentions are good. My intentions are there to comfort, support, protect, grow. nourish. That's the way I've always been, and will continue to be.

Thursday, March 27, 2008


"The heart's deepest wish is that one becomes a better human being."

Abdullah Ibrahim
I'm grateful to feel such an amazing spirit flowing in my heart right now. This is my way of sharing it.



My energy in my heart, soul, spirit is amazing right now. I want it out into the world. At this moment, I can be and accomplish anything I want. I feel expansive. I can see others and how they feel. See me here, see me now.

A great, great story

Right here...
All the gifts in the world can't compare to the gift of time. The gift of presence.

I wouldn't stop anyone from giving me things. Their mere presence would warm this old soul.
I've never hung on for the sake of mere hanging on. I've been there because I knew my presence was needed in some way. And I wanted to be there.

True presence

What do I really want, desire, seek from a woman?
Her presence.
Yes, presence. Her simply being there. That I treasure more than anything.

No assembly required

It's Christmas morning, and you're in the living room opening presents and playing with your new toys. Some of them have to be put together, and the instructions are exasperating. Does part A really fit into tab B like that?

But then there's a gift around the tree that hasn't been opened. You reach for it, open it, and wow--this beautiful toy all ready to go and to play with. No assembly required. No instructions. Complete.

But you go back to the mishmash of parts strewn on the floor.

I've talked about completeness before. I've been called complete. So if I am complete, as a man, then wouldn't it make sense to take what is complete? Shouldn't you take better? It doesn't matter to me if you're complete or not. I'll take you as you are and enjoy and care about you. I'm strong enough to do that.

And a note on relationships. Color me naive, but I don't want to see relationships between men and women be about power, control or management. When I am in a relationship, I am supporting my mate. Nourishing her, and nourishing me. I don't want this to be about power. I want it to be about becoming the best a man and woman together can be.

This is all that I want.

(Relationships may indeed be more about power, control and management. But I want to rise above that.)

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


I had a fascinating conversation with a friend this evening. This involves some astrology, so be forewarned.

My friend and I are both Aries. And we're both having, er, romantic issues. The conversation went a little like this...

Friend: It's true that Aries are complete and hard to understand; but we're also protective and absolutely passionate and affectionate. (I've talked about completeness before...)

Me: We are--so why do people want less of us?

Friend: It's hard to manage us...this is the only reason why a lot of people tend to push us away.

Me: I gotta disagree--I'm easy to manage--at least I think I am. (Really, I am frightening easy to manage and easy to please. All you have to do to please me is just be.)

Friend: Our charisma is something difficult to manage. (I still disagree here.)


Friend: You know.. sometimes people that we care about are simply not able to come back and talk with us, they think we're unapproachable. (It hurts me to think that someone sees me as unapproachable. I want to be open.)


Me: Another question--why would anyone turn away someone who said they were complete?

Friend: Because someone complete is hard to manage. (Me? Hard to manage?)


Me: Maybe I'm naive, but here's someone right here to by everything you want and desire. Don't worry about you being less,--take from me, I have enough. Maybe my ego is just big.

Friend: If your ego is just big, join the club


Me: But the point of a relationship is not to compete with your mate. Is it?

Friend: Fight together to reach a goal, not one against the other. (Totally down with this. But...)

Me: I'm an idiot. I'm always going to fight for the one I'm with. Complete or not.

Friend: You're not an idiot.

What do I want from a mate to be happy. Just having them there is joy enough. Their presence, their aura.

And I don't care how complete I am, I am going to fight together alongside the woman I'm with. Never against her.

And seriously, I am not hard to manage. Like the song says, I'm easy like Sunday morning.


I want to know this. I ask not from sadness, but from wanting to know.

What do I have to do to become lucky in love?

Comments are always welcome, creative. No cliches are allowed. I want to see originality.


At any moment, at every moment, I endeavour to be the best I can possibly be.


If I weren't so damn sure of myself and what I can give and what I can be, and unwilling to be like everybody else, my life would be so much sadder.


Six months ago, something really bad happened to me. My heart was broken. And I reacted the way most people would--bitterness, sadness, anger, despair. I wondered why God was treating me so badly. I had done everything I could to make her happy. Or at least I thought I had. I wallowed, I cried, I threw pity parties.

Then, somewhere along the line, I snapped.

The wallowing and moping and being depressed became temporary. I found myself dusting myself off, getting up, and moving forward, higher. Stronger. Anytime I found myself down, it wasn't for long.

What happened?

There is nothing like a disaster to open your eyes. And mine were opened wide. With a two by four.

What have I done for the past six months? Become greater. My spirituality, my health, my soul have become greater. I've always tried to be good for myself and for others, innately. Now, I do it consciously, fully, in awareness.

There have been times where I've wanted to sit down and be quiet, say nothing, write nothing. But every time that idea comes in my mind, another idea says tell the world who you are, what you can do and what you can be. For someone, for others.

I have always lived my life for others, even as I live for myself. The one thing I understand in life is that there is something greater than myself, and I want to experience it. I want to inhabit it. I want to live it.

Everyday, my heart beats for what it wants, what I want. I want to be a husband, father, friend, confidante, lover, sensei, philosopher to a great, loving woman. There, it's out in the universe. This is what I want. And when I reach it, then, I can truly begin to give what I possess--heart, soul, spirit, love, passion.

I want my words and my presence to give that woman safe harbor and comfort. I want my words and my presence to be strength, to be a rock for a woman.

Yes, it hurts a bit to have so much energy and no place to truly put it. But it would hurt more not to have the energy to begin with.

I can be friends with a woman. But it's hard for me to be just friends with someone I feel a very close bond, a close connection to. It is not about me wanting more of her; it is about me wanting to give more of me to someone I feel is out of this world. They don't come often for me, and I want to keep them in my life.

I don't want to apologize for what I feel, but I will apologize for this: I am sorry I can be too much sometimes. But I'm persistent. It's in my nature.

Bad times test the will and the strength of us all. The question is what you do in the face of tough times. I transform difficulties into triumphs. I transform sadness into love, and a wall into a ladder.

I can accomplish so much. I have accomplished so much. I am ready to accomplish more.

I've said it before--I want a great, loving relationship with a great, loving woman.

My words are not borne of defiance, or stubborness. They are from heart, love, passion, soul, spirit. They are from what all five can accomplish. What is possible for me to do and to be.

I snapped, but the snapping was something joyous. Something good.


An optimist knows this...
The harder I work, the luckier I get.
--Samuel Goldwyn

Manifest it

Take the good that is inside of you and manifest it for the world to see, to grasp, to feel, to emulate.
The sheer incredibleness of being I feel this morning I want to give away. I want to give that great part of me away. Don't worry--it always returns.
Underlying everything I do, and everything I am, is optimism. Hard-won optimism. Light, strength, being.
It's wonderful to wake up every morning feeling like I can conquer the world. And wake up knowing I can be the best I can be for someone. Be everything. Knowing I can live for someone else. To give and receive the big five.
They came last night. About dinner time. They were there all weekend, but not like this.

Steadily, they washed through me. Wave after wave. All night.

This morning, they are here.

Their meaning is unclear.

Their presence, their power, is undeniable.


I am grateful for:

heart, love, soul, spirit, honor, being alive, thriving, being whole, being more, trying, failing, trying again, not giving up, optimism, the universe, sweetness, passion, being black, being male, being the best I can be, dreams, pulses, spontaneity, creativity, life, women, one woman, confidence, humility, pride, strength, the chance to show the world myself, the chance to show someone everything, being, peace, bliss, hope, faith, reality, wings, water, light, rain, clouds, play, snow, deservedness, wanting, needing, justifying...

And anything else I can think of today.

Good morning.


Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I love what I do as a career. It's a good, fascinating job. I love it because it allows me to do something that it greater than myself.

But I reached a point long ago where I knew my career was only part of who I am. There are things I want to accomplish in that other life, but it is not the be all and end all. My life outside of my work is of greater significance to me. I not only want to be my best at the office, but I want to be my best in life. For myself, for others. That's the most important thing.
I am greedy.

I want more.

More, more, more....


The stuff you can't buy.

The stuff you can buy is cool. I want one of these. I have one of these. I like these.

I'm watching the news now, a segment on plastic surgery, and how (relatively) inexpensive it is becoming. People use the tangible (a nip, a tuck) to make the bridge to the intangible (changing the way they feel about feel about themselves). That's cool. I do it.

Ah but...

Is it sustainable? Can you always turn to a surgeon, a car, an iPhone for true sustenance, true nourishment?

Can you? ;-)

My aim is always for spiritual fulfillment. To become the best I can. The wholeness of me, so I can be the best I can for someone else. Ultimately, I want to turn to myself, and someone special, for that sustenance. I want that deep, spiritual, emotional nourishment, that sustenance. More than a phone or a car.

And if a bottle of wine is nearby, that's cool, too;-)


Right now, what sustains me is my heart. Its ability, my ability, to do more than keep going--to transform into a spirit that gives much is astounding.

My heart is full of abundance. Full of not just muscle and tendon, blood and veins. It is full of love and optimism. Soul and spirit. Looking for a vessel in which to pour its nourishing elixir. And looking for nourishment itself. It wants to give and receive as well.

Hillary Clinton said to Barack Obama that he campaigns in poetry, but you have to govern in prose. I want poetry in my life. I want the poetry of love, joy, happiness for myself and for someone special.

I want to write this poetry everyday, as much as I can possibly do.

The cycle

As much as I want to give love, heart, soul, spirit, passion, I want to take love, heart, soul, spirit, passion. I want to take it, and return it. And take and return. I want the greatest cycle there is. To give love, and to take love, and repeat it at every moment.

I want love to be a loop fed by heart, soul, spirit, passion.

I know I want to give so much. I can take so much, too.

I want to feel the warmth, the joy, of holding someone in my arms. I want to be lost in the eyes of a woman. I want to hold her hand. I want to listen, with her in my arms, as the birds sing good morning. I want to be the only two people on the planet. I want to feel as one with her. I want to feel both fire and bliss in her touch, in her kiss. I want to feel all the possibilities of life, all the optimism. I want to be nourished by her body, by her heart, by her soul.

All of these things I have experienced before. I am grateful for that. I can't wait to feel them again. I am also grateful for that.


That's how I am.

The universe belongs to me, and anything I want in it, I can have.

I am infinitely thankful and grateful to wake up like this every single morning. There are no limits to what I can be, what I can give. Forces invisible to me pull me higher every day. Pull me to my best self.

When I am old and gray, say, 50 years from now, I'm willing to bet I will be just as inexhaustible (yes, I plan on being here for awhile).

What's good, brothers and sisters, is that I've got so much to give. I lack the vessel in which to pour it, but I've got something precious for someone to receive.

I am grateful for what I have, and what I will receive.

Now, let me say this. I am a sweet guy. People, women, tell me this. I have a lot more than sweetness in me to give. A lot more. Heart, soul, spirit, love, passion. I am living these ideas and thoughts and feelings everyday. The number one thing I want from the universe is to live these for someone else.

What is all this running on and on about love and heart doing to me? Fantastic things. Fantastic possibilities. Fantastic optimism. Trust me, I have a quiet, introspective moment where I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. Then, that weight becomes lighter as the heart and the soul lift it and turn it into spirit. I don't have to do anything. It does it on its own.

This is what I want to give to someone. This is what I have given before. This is why I am so confident in myself and what I can do and be. I've been down this road before. I want to go down it again. I've given my heart, my soul, my spirit, my love, my passion, to someone freely, joyfully, cheerfully. What else could there possibly be in life that is greater than those five gifts?

Am I lovelorn? Maybe. Am I lonely? Maybe. These are negatives, and I want to turn negatives into positives.

I say it everyday. Either here, or in my heart. Because this is how I feel, and this is what I want:

Love, heart, soul, spirit, passion. I have these in abundance, and I want to give them to one special woman.

This is what I want from the universe. Those five things makes me inexhaustible. I want a woman to feel that enormous energy. I want that door to the universe open.


Monday, March 24, 2008

High fidelity

And one more thing, in crystal clear sound....

A recipe

Imagine being a chef, and everyday, you prepare the best buffet you possibly can. The best meats, cheeses, fruits, vegetables, drinks. A sumptuous feast.

And no one takes all of what you prepare.

Every negative emotion you can think of, you muster. You're human after all.

Now, here's the question--what next? Do you wallow in the negative emotions? No.

You turn the negative emotions into positives. You turn twinkies into apple pie.

You keep preparing the feast. You lay out your spread. You let the smells of the feast entice. You let the sights draw the diner in.

Lay out the feast everyday. Let the diner know how nourishing this feast is, for the body and the soul.

I am laying out my feast everyday. To be supped, to take nourishment from.

I am the black gold of the sun

I am a black man.

Proudly so.

I'm not into stereotypes, limits, walls, barriers. What I'm into is being the best I can be, for myself and for others. The way in which I do it may not be conventional. I may not be perfect. But my intent is strong, pure. Regardless of my color.

Being black and male lets me acknowledge convention, but not be bound by it. I can shape it into whatever shape I want. What I want the shape to be is good. Simply good. The shape of my words, thoughts, actions, feelings, deeds.

What I want, and what I have, transcends stereotypes of what society thinks black men can be, can accomplish. I want to be as bright a star as I can be.

I am the black gold of the sun.

And so are you.

Being needy is seen as a bad thing. Is it, really? I have physical, spiritual and emotional needs. I want them taken care of. Why not embrace what I need? Haven't I been doing that all along? ;-)

Small sacrifice, greater reward

I was home one Christmas, and my mom gave me a blue fleece pullover. I wasn't expecting it, or anything, from her. Not because we are on bad terms--that's hardly the case.

This is the reason. My mom works very hard. She has a small house and a teenage son to take care of. By herself.

I'm ok. I have a roof over my head, food in my refrigerator, clothes on my back and a good job. My basic needs are taken care of.

I want my mom to worry about her needs, my brother's needs. I don't want her to take away from her needs. But she did, and she does.

It's a small thing, that blue fleece pullover. But it represents so much. It shows how much my mom loves me and gives to me. She gave up a little bit to keep her oldest son warm.

This is what mothers do.

Is there any wonder why I want to emulate that? I want to be that loving, that ready to give and to sacrifice great and small.

I still wear that blue fleece pullover.


I want to give love that is rich, deep and soulful.

I want to turn grief, fear and disappointment into something greater. Love

I feel the visceral, the sensuous, the sensory. I dig into the soil beyond them, and reach for the one true nutrient, the one true nourishment.



Sunday, March 23, 2008

The ocean

I have endless pools of love, heart, soul, spirit, energy, strength. They never drain. They are always ready to serve and to give.

What am I able to do with all this? Think of swimming in an ocean. I want to be the water. I want to surround, but not to smother, but nourish, grow, feed the body, the spirit, the soul. I want to give as naturally as water gives live.

Diving into this pool is not frightening. Far from it. My waters will nourish, will protect you. In surrunding you, I guide and support you. I'll help you swim better than before.

(A little over the top? Hmm, maybe. But you have to dream, right? And my dreams are expansive. I feel that I can be this.)

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Come inside

I had a dream this morning.

I was home with my family. And for some reason I started to go outside to take a shower. As I opened the door, I saw three wolves lurking about. For some reason, I yelled at them, and they came running to the door. I instinctively closed and locked the screen door, just as one of them licked the door handle. Then, I unlocked the door.

And the dream ended.

So, the three wolves (fear, sadness, disappointment) want to come for me. Well, come inside. Welcome. Now, since you are here, allow me to show you something extraordinary. Allow me to show you my heart, my spirit, my soul. All three are powerful, strong, purposeful. Indomitable. More than anything you can muster. Watch me turn fear, sadness and disappointment into heart, soul, spirit. Watch me turn something lesser into something greater. Something that nourishes the soul.

Come inside. See, feel, touch, inhabit my being. I'm waiting for you.


Friday, March 21, 2008

The dogs

Watch this video...

There is something that Villanova, Appalachian State, North Carolina State, Boise State and yours truly have in common.

We are underdogs. Or, as I am starting to call it, believers.

We believe in the possible, and the impossible. We have been down in the mud before, caked in dirt, hands on hips, wondering why on God's green earth I land here. And with a deep breath, summoning all the determination that exists, we rise again. Slowly to both feet we rise. Ready for action. Ready to push the limits of possible.

Fall down seven times, get up eight.--Japanese proverb

We sacrifice so much of ourselves, us underdogs. Why pour body, soul, spirit into something where all three may be broken? Because the sacrifice we make in giving ourselves will be repaid. We know this innately. We welcome this chance to show our truest selves, the marrow of our being. We know that we are being greater than ourselves, our truest calling. We believe in the project. We believe in the reward.

Is it stubbornness that makes us get up from the mud? Possibly. Is it a refusal to accept less? Possibly. What makes us get up is knowing that the eyes of the world are on us. They look and wonder if we can make it up one more time. And when they see us rise, one more time, they cheer, tears in their eyes, saying silently, you are amazing.

We see walls before us. Some look and see no way to the other side. We search for ways to overcome barriers. We take the impossible, go beyond its limits, and transform it into the possible.

It is not easy being an underdog. We have to work harder, be more all the time. Be ready all the time. We can't be afraid of getting dirty, getting hurt. Our storehouses of will, heart, spirit, determination must always be greater. We are always on call. The spotlight is always on us. Our hardiness must be harder. Our strength has to be stronger.

And an underdog doesn't mind one iota. The underdog knows all of this already. If he or she didn't, how could they be their best? We are not afraid of going just one more step. We know they have to. We persevere.

All the while, us underdogs maintain humility, knowing that we may be called upon at any moment. We may find ourselves in the mud. We must always be ready.

And we have pride. We don't shout it from the mountaintops, but our actions, our intent, our words, our deeds--our presence--speak it. Our actions, our intent, our words, our deeds, our presence--we live pride. We inhabit pride.

Underdogs have to be more. More of the intangibles. More heart, more soul, more spirit, more love, more passion. All five will be tested. Are they strong enough to withstand the fires, the mud, the water? Underdogs learn to inhabit fire, water, mud. Become them, so their heart, soul, spirit, love, passion becomes stronger.

Underdogs understand mistakes. Underdogs understand they are not perfect. But part of what makes an underdog special is the ability to overcome mistakes, make up for what they lack. In their striving to overcome, they become better than they could have been otherwise.

Underdogs have courage. You may never meet a more courageous person. Fear, sadness, disappointment constantly nip at the heels of the underdog. We could sit still and allow them to devour us. We could run as fast as we could, hoping they couldn't keep up.

Instead we summon them to us. Come with me, the underdog says. Let me show you something special, something amazing.

Our heart. The greatest thing we possess, the greatest gift we can give.


I have been blogging for about 10 months. It appears that I am averaging about four to five posts a day. The average matters little. What I write does matter.

Where does the inspiration to write come from?

Ah, what a question...

I have a lot rattling around in my head. It is constantly processing information, the world around me. From people, from news, from blogs. Instead of allowing that to dissipate into the ether, I write it. My thoughts. My feelings. My angst. My joy.

What the writing does for me is something special. It allows me to grow, to see myself, to see what I am now, to see what I can be. It allows me to spiritually work out, build my spiritual muscles. It's a surrogate, an outlet for what I lack.

It allows me to say I am thankful. It allows me to show love and gratitude.

Difficulty gives me inspiration. The sadness that sometimes clouds the sun in my life makes me look deeper for light. It makes me look for the good, the great in life and celebrate it. I look for ways I can turn difficulty into triumph. Because I can overcome difficulty and transform it into something greater, I always get up.

Joy gives me inspiration. The happiness, the optimism, the possibilities. They fire me to reach ever higher. To keep reaching for stars. To reach for something that is greater than myself.

And you know what else?

There is someone who inspires me. It's an interesting road we have traveled down. We have shared so much. There has been heartbreak along the way. Yet. I still feel the fuel this person gives me. This person may not acknowledge it, but they are an inspiration. A muse, if you will. A muse that plumbs the depth of my soul, and pulls out lotus flower after lotus flower. Which I press into these virtual pages.

Every day, every moment, I am inspired to write. Even writer's block inspires me. My wellspring of inspiration is infinite.

Thursday, March 20, 2008


When I am feeling sad, I allow myself to feel it. It hurts when I feel it, but it hurts less than bottling it up.

But then, something wonderful happens.

I laugh. Because the feeling of sadness appears to be dragging me into a hole. And the laughter says, no. The laughter represents strength. It represents now, the moment. It represents me becoming more, becoming better, going beyond.

My feeling my weakness makes me stronger.

An extravagance of laughter

I couldn't help but laugh this morning on the commute.
I wasn't laughing at anyone, or laughing in malice.
I was laughing at the gift the universe left at my feet this morning.
What gift?
That self-same universe.

A letter

My friend,

The power you have is extraordinary. And yes, it is there. I see it clearly. I see who you are, and it is beautiful. I see who will be, and it is amazing. You have so much underlying good. So much underlying heart. The world needs to see what I see clearly. Now, I am not trying to limit you, your desires, your passions. No one can do that. but as you want me to fulfill my potential, I want you to do the same. I want you to let the poetry you have flowing in you like a stream out into world to nourish it as you have nourished me. I see much in you.

Power is not the concept of holding dominion over someone. That is coercion. Power is taking every fiber of your being, every cell in your being, and living the good that reigns inside of you, inside of all of us. Living the good not only for ourselves, but for others. Living the good at every moment. The golden rule, as it were. Do you know how many people would benefit from your heart, your soul? You have special gifts. Let the world in and drink from your well. Don't worry about running out of water. Your well is as limitless as mine. Release your gifts to the world. Marvel at what you will receive. The world will thank you.

Now, you may be thinking that this is going to smother you. Far from it. The soil you're tilling is rich and fertile. It needs expert hands to bring out the best crops. I am not tossing cold water on your desires or your passions. Far from it. They will always be present. But there is so much more to you that those things. Your humanity, your greatness. Own your greatness, Own your humanity. Then use it for the greatness of others. I own my greatness, I own my humanity. I want to share that with others.

Simply, I see greatness in you. From the first, I have seen this. You have the power to move mountains. You have with me.

This morning

I feel as confident as I have ever felt. By all rights, I shouldn't. But if you saw my face, you'd think, he feels good this morning. And I do.
I feel like the whole universe is mine.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008


I believe deeply in my ability to be everything to a woman, to stir her heart, her soul, her spirit. To make her laugh, to wipe away her tears, to be the strength she needs, to be her rock. To dance with her, to make her eyes twinkle, to hold her close and make her feel like there are only two people in the world.

I believe in that humanity. I believe in that giving spirit.

If I didn't believe, I couldn't write these words.

I believe.

I know.

Because I believe, because I know, I live the words I write.

The words I write are me. They transcend the bits and bytes and pixels that make up this blog.

My words are a living, breathing, soulful man.

I am a vessel of love, of heart. Take my hand, and drink from me.

With great heart and with great joy, namaste. Om mani padme hum.

Who I am

This is the type of guy I am.

If you gave me the choice of shelling out money to buy an iPhone, or taking that money to have fabulous dinner with a woman...

Dinner's on.

I'd rather spend the money on her than on me. Color me a sucker? No. Color me a man who wants to show how I care for and love a woman.

Color me a man who gives a damn.

Mind you, it is only one way to show I care and love.
Physically, there is nothing wrong with me. I'm in good health.

So the pulses I feel are something else, completely.

Completely wonderful.
Everything that I am and everything that I want to be I want to live and inhabit.

And I do this.

Pride, love, heart, soul, passion, spirit, inquisitiveness, joy, being.

I live it. I am it.

I love the rain

I wrote two weeks ago about a drive in the rain. Today, same thing. I love the challenge. I love the test. Can I do this? Yes I can.


My body, my mind, my soul do not suffer from restlessness or wanderlust. They do not suffer.

They are informed by the desire, the passion, the energy, to be everything they can possibly be. For myself, and for someone else.

My body, my mind and my soul strive to be more than, greater than, what they presently are.

(What's here right now is pretty good, mind you ;-)

Off-topic (sort of)

Of all the people in America, blacks have always believed in the project called the United States. Always. Not because they are blinded to what is. They, we, see it clearly.

We believe in the project, as someone in today's Washington Post said, because of what it could be, what it should be, and what it apsires to be.

We understand the realism of today. We not only strive for the optimism of tomorrow, we work for it.

The waves

In my conversation reel in my head, I say to myself, I can't possibly sustain this energy. How is it possible to be so energetic, so alive, so ready all the damn time? Then a second later, another voice says not to worry. I will keep the wave rolling for you. Don't worry about the how. Know that I will be moving the currents for you. Stay on the surfboard. I will take care of the rest.

So I don't worry. I keep riding. The ocean's energy is as boundles as my own.

Surf's up.

Gettin' dirty/gettin' clean

Most of us are afraid of mucking around in dirt, mud. We love the clean looks we see in the mirror, and we'd like to keep it that way.

This corner knows better than that. Life is not always a clean affair. And that is great. Do you know what is in that mud? Nutrients, vitamins, minerals, nourishment. The things that help you grow. Beyond the mud. I appreciate the mud. I am grateful for the mud, for it grows me. I look clean, but it's because of the mud, the dirt. I appreciate the sun and stars above me more because of that life-giving mud. I haven't forgotten its feel, its taste, its roughness against my skin.

I know all this. I've lived all this. I can't be afraid of the mud because I have been there. It's as much as a part of me as the sun and stars.

I stretch out from the mud to the stars.

The obvious

If there is one thing besides love I can give, it is strength. Like love and like heart, I have an abudance of this, too.

Flowing like rain

Physically, I feel as good as I've ever felt.

Emotionally and spiritually, it is the same. What I have emotionally and spiritually I want to share.

How I feel, and what I feel, emotionally and spiritually matters more that the physical.
All three are abundant.
I wrote a lot on Monday about nourishment and love and heart. Every day, I feel this in abundance. Every day, I strive to give this. I strive to give my humanity. I strive to give my abundance.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


I want the world to see me. To see all my faces--my, um, disappointment (not anger), my tears, my passion, my confusion, my passion, my exultation, my happiness, my love, my heart, my soul, my joy, my inner child, my smarts, my spirit, my belief. No masks, no screens, no illusions. Only me.

See me as one. I am grateful for the magic that is life. I am grateful for the magic that is me. I am grateful for the magic that is one.

This is a cool thought...

Don't be in the know, be in the mystery.

Drive to the light

Morning commutes are usually dull affairs. I try to accomplish something in mine. A new thought, a new idea. This morning came a thought, and a magnificiant sight.

Morning commutes are usually dull affairs. I try to accomplish something in mine. A new thought, a new idea. This morning came a thought, and a magnificiant sight.

The thought: Actually, an old one--the spiritually, the emotional are more significant to me that the material. I'm not dissing the material here--a car, a house, a watch--these things are nice. But the emotional and the spiritual will carry me so much further in life.

The sight: This morning's sunrise was unusually beautiful--the cloud cover produced a glorious palette of purples, grays and oranges. Then I saw something I had never seen before. The sun and the clouds met in such a way that a shaft of light pointed up from the sun into the sky. I was so struck by what I had seen. I'm not saying it was a sign or anything, but there was a moment of serendipity, of grace, in that moment, that will stay with me.

Monday, March 17, 2008


I've said before how big my heart is. It contains an enormous, unlimited supply of love. Not the kind of love that would smother or stymie. It is the kind of love that will nourish someone, inhabit someone.

I've been in love before. Not the kind of puppy love love. But the kind of love where I've given every ounce of my being to a woman. I'm alive now, really alive, but I've been truly alive when I've poured my soul into a woman's body and soul. The feeling of giving myself to someone, not only in bed, but in every aspect of life, is stellar. That's why I write so much about how I feel and what I can give. I want to experience that state again.

I have lived love before. I live love now. I embrace love. I embody love. Love is me. I want to live love even deeper.

I am at my most selfless when I can give, when I can pour, every single cell of my soul into a woman.

For me to nourish, to inhabit, a woman's body, a woman's soul, a woman's spirit is joy beyond comparison. To transfer my great abundance of love and nourishment to her is the greatest gift I can give as a man.

I can attain all the accolades and honors in the world. I can win all the riches and all the gold this world can hold. Me loving a woman, selflessly, wholly, will always mean more to me than the material things in this world.

The rain that falls from me doesn't drown, doesn't flood. It makes the crops of the body and the soul fertile, always growing taller and stronger and healthier.

I can reach up into the sky, grab a star, and put in the small, soft hands of a woman, look into her soft eyes, and say to her, "This is what I can do for you." My hand would stretch through the galaxies to take a constellation. Right now.

I can dive into a pond, and pull out a bright, beautiful lotus flower from the muck and the mire, and place it into a soft and delicate hand, for her, and say to her, "This is what I can do for you."

I've seen great fireworks in my life. But my star burns brighter, burns longer, burns stronger, nourishes deeper, than any fireworks display can.

The love I have runs deep, and runs long.

I am bursting with gratitude that I have this special ability to nourish a woman's body, a woman's soul, a woman's spirit with love. I am grateful that this ability is intimate, deep and soulful.

I am grateful.


Om mani padme hum.


When I write thank you and grateful, I mean it. When I say thank you and grateful, I mean it. I am glad to have what I have and do what I do. I don't say those things to flatter, or to just say them. From the bottom of enormous heart, I mean it.

Look up

The stars above us aren't made by just wishing and hoping and praying. They aren't even anointed by the tabloids.

They are also made from heat and pressure.

That's what makes the light that shines from them more beautiful.

When you are outside at night, look up. And you'll see me there. Next to you.


My heart is big, huge, expansive. There is so much of it, it's hard to contain. So I don't. I let it roam, find the place where it wants to be, and I go there.

If you were to wrap your hands around my heart, you'd be amazed at the power and life in it. I want it to pump and course its life into and through someone other than me. I want someone to feel the power I feel every day.


I laugh at myself sometimes. I still marvel at how I can continue to maintain this state that I am in. Quite frankly, it is me. And I love it. I love being so much. I love having so much to give. I am grateful for this love I have and I am grateful for this love I have to give.

Radical realism

How hard is it being a optimist? Hard, but that's good. With optimism comes reality. The two go together, much like the symbol for yin and yang. You can't have one without the other--they feed each other. I choose optimism because it is without limits, horizons open wide. And still, I remain rooted in the ground. Broadening, stretching, growing into those horizons at every moment.

Let's have more of it.

If only

You could feel what is inside of me. All of life right now, bursting, being. Everything I've described about movement is present right now.
I am grateful for right now.

Say it--2

My wants are the same as my intentions. My grandest, greatest intention--is to give everything I have in me to someone.

Philosopher, lover, teacher, friend, confidante. All the things I have been before, and all the things I want to be again. Some I am right now, others are missing.

It's not that I haven't been in this position before. It's such a joyous place to be in, that's why I'm reaching higher, reaching beyond to return there. It's the state I want to be in. Again.

The air I breathe now is wonderful. I want to breathe in that really special air of love.

Is it not good for a guy to say and feel all these things? I don't care. This is what I feel, this is what inhabits me, this is what fuels me. This is what I am. This is what I can give to someone.

I can give wants, needs, and intentions. Intimately, deeply, meaningfully. Again. And again. And again.

Sunday, March 16, 2008


Every day, every moment, I renew inside of me all the things that I seek.

And bring them out for the world to see who I am.

I am grateful to be able to have these things.

I am grateful that I can give them.


Food for thought...

The spirit of a warrior is not geared to indulging and complaining, nor is it geared to winning or losing. The spirit of a warrior is geared only to struggle, and every struggle is a warrior’s last battle on earth. Thus the outcome matters very little to him. In his last battle on earth a warrior lets his spirit flow free and clear. And as he wages his battle, knowing that his intent is impeccable, a warrior laughs and laughs.

Carlos Castaneda (hat tip)

(Is every battle my last battle? I said before I don't see life as a fight. That doesn't mean I'm scared to mix it up. But my aim is for peace. Balance. Grace. Life. As it always is. And the outcome has importance to me. Laughing ain't easy in a battle, but sometimes, you can't help it.)

You can meditate

In meditation, don't expect anything. Just sit back and see what happens. Treat the whole thing as an experiment. Take an active interest in the test itself, but don't get distracted by your expectations about the results. For that matter, don't be anxious for any result whatsoever.

-Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English"

(hat tip, as usual)

Dream wave

I dream a lot, yes. In the stillness of this morning, though, was something different.

I had eight or nine 'dreamlets.' I went back to sleep, had a dream, woke up, and repeated the process many times over two hours. It was like riding a perfect wave several times over. Somewhere in the middle I realized what was going on, but just relaxed and let it happen. The serenity, the peace I felt was incredible. Dream after dream after dream. A literal train that carried me far.

What were the dreams? Of course, I don't remember most of them. The ones I do: Michael Jordan, iTunes (don't ask, I don't know), driving, and those pulses.

The feeling of riding that wave of dreams. I've never felt that before.

I'm grateful for having dreams. I'm grateful for feeling everything that I feel.

I'm grateful for the waves.

I am grateful for the dream.
I look around at my surroundings and think, I can be more. I want more. I am more.

I look around at my surroundings and say, follow me. Follow my light.

Fight the fight

Let's say that life is a fight (just for grins and giggles).

Life is not a fight against mediocrity. Seriously, it's not, though mediocrity abounds. Life is a fight for excellence. Excellence in thought, action, word, deed, movement, being.

I am not fighting against anything or anyone. I am fighting for something, for someone. For everything.

See the difference?

Saturday, March 15, 2008


"Man is not an end but a beginning. We are at the beginning of the second week. We are children of the eighth day."

-- Thornton Wilder

More fun...

If you could see the smile on my face, playing around like a pig in mud...

It's all in fun, of course, but it's a little scary how seemingly true some things are. Like the brick wall ;-)

Let's have some fun--2

Feeling in a funny mood, I check out my horoscope. For grins and giggles...

It explains a lot....

Say it

I want a great, loving relationship with a great, loving woman.

One solitary thing

I have only one passion.

Yes, only one.

I know. Lots of people have a truckload of passions. And that's perfectly cool. I'm down with that.

But I only have one.


I want to feel it, experience it, laugh, cry, love, dance, drink, have sex, cradle someone, feel the rain on me, feel lips against mine, feel the cold air slice through me, watch the snow fall, watch the sun rise, feel the beat of the music in me. I want to explore, be it.

In other words.

Keep doing all the things I've done before.

There is no other passion I want.
I want to do more.

I want to be a protector.

I want someone to take comfort in my arms, feel safe from the thundering world.

I want someone to feel there are only two people in the world.

I want someone to feel my heart beat with what I give, can give, will give.

I want someone to take the love, the passion, the heart, the soul, the spirit I have to give.

Let's be clear. I say these things not in sadness. But in joy. In joy of what I have to offer, and in the joy of who receives it.



Two codes, both broken.
The Black Codes were introduced after the American Civil War, to restrict the movements and civil liberties of blacks. Lawmakers, believing that blacks still could be no more than tillers of the earth, attempted to regulate every aspect of live, down to behavior, as if slavery hadn't been abolished. While military rule in the South stopped the black codes, restrictions weren't truly abolished, and true freedom didn't come, until the civil rights movement forced the issue in the mid-20th century.
Enigma was a code machine used by the Germans for communication in World War II. They sent battle plans, intelligence and other data throughout the German military. Only through smarts and determination, did British intelligence officials break the code.
One code, broken everyday.
The code, the limit, of potential. What one man can do, not only for himself, but for someone else very special. All the things he is capable of being. For someone else very special.


I am a bridge.

The next time you're stopped on a bridge, think about this. Feel it sway a little? That's normal. The engineers design the span to allow it to dissipate the stresses that build as vehicles cross it. If that flex wasn't there, disaster.

I allow myself to feel the stresses and strains of life. I allow them to enter in me, but I am not captured by them. I allow them to flow in me. I use them, take advantage of them, to build strength, to grow stronger. They serve a purpose, and I use that purpose.

I span great distances, at any moment.


I am burning. If anyone lacks tinder, let him set his rubbish ablaze with my fire.

Mevlana Rumi (1207 - 1273)

Everyday, I burn.

Friday, March 14, 2008


Ever watch tai chi? I love the grace, the flow, the oneness, the peace of the movements. When I drive, I move in the same manner. I want life to move in he same manner.

In dreams--2

Remember those pulses?

Last night, I dreamt as I usually do. Then I felt a familiar sensation inside me while I was in a dream. I can't remember it, but I remember the sensation.

Yes, the pulses came into my dreams.

I don't mind at all.

These pulses are not goosebumps. A touch, a song, a thought can spark goosebumps. These pulses, however, come as they please. Sometimes softly, sometimes furiously. Always naturally.

All I do is be, and they come. It is a sensation I have never, ever felt before in my life.

I know who the source is.


Om mani padme hum

Thursday, March 13, 2008


For mom, and for a canvas


I want my abundance, my big five, to be a lighthouse. Shining brightly, even in the darkest of nights.

More more and even more

I have abundance. I have gratitude for what is good in my life. I have gratitude for what I have accomplished. I have gratitude for what I will accomplish.
I have gratitude for being.
I have gratitude for possibilities.

The same thing

My wants below, are also my beliefs.


What do I want?
I want to be.
I want to be heart.
I want to be soul.
I want to be spirit.
I want to be love.
I want to be passion.
I want to be everything I can possibly be.

I hope

I hope that I can be the father to my children that my mom has been to me.

Dear Momma

Today is my mother's birthday.

There is no gift in the world I can give her to repay her for all the love she has given me.

There is no gift in the world I can give her to repay all the sacrifices she has made for me.

My mom had me when she was quite young, and it's not easy to raise a little boy by yourself, at that age, even with help from grandma. But she did it.

My mom didn't have a whole lot, money-wise. Still, she made sacrifices for me. Boy Scouts, field trips, band trips, summer programs. She wanted me to succeed. She never said no to something that was important for me. She found a way. She gave more. I cannot ever repay her for sacrificing so much and giving so much.

There were times when I disappointed her. I never meant to. Little boys can do that. In the end, she forgave me, and she loved me.

I don't want to be a burden on my mom. She has given me so much intangible good and love, I don't want to let her down. There have been times where she's turned to me for help, but once or twice I couldn't help her as much as I wanted to. And it just killed me inside, because it wasn't enough, and that I let her down. I wanted to give her as much as she gave me.

Even though she has been scared as I've flown the nest, she has always supported me. When I moved overseas, she called every week. As long as she heard my voice, she was ok. She knew her son was ok.

The greatest gift my mom gives me is love. Everything my mom does she does out of love. She doesn't have to say the word love all the time. I know it's there.

All I want is for my thoughts, my words, my actions, my deeds, to be love. I want to live love. I want to live love consciously. Every moment. I want to give what my mom gives me. Love.

I am grateful for my mom.

I love you mom.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

True radical

love this quote--love it!
Being optimistic, on the other hand, is the most radical political act there is.

from here...

now, keep in mind, it doesn't have to be political...
There's a saying in the military:

"Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier."

This is not to say the military traffics in naivete; neither do I.

It says, for me, that above the clouds, there is sunlight.

Which I am grateful for.


What I truly seek is less I/me, and more we. I've lived on this rock for 35 years, for myself. It's time to become something much greater than me.

(Blogging can be an exercise in narcissism, yes, but I want to reach a state of altruism through this. I want me to become greater. For someone else.)


Tuesday, March 11, 2008


I've seen things this way. It's not blind optimism, but remembering what it was like being a child. Children are always optimistic.

(That must make me a child then ;-)

The only way to find the limits of the possible is by going beyond them to the impossible.

--Arthur C. Clarke

(hat tip)


Imagine reading all of these words in front of you now.

Imagine the guy writing them.

As much as this blog is my canvas, I want to paint for someone else.

Imagine if my canvas, palette and brushes were the real thing.

Imagine the masterpieces I could paint. The lines, the strokes, the colors.

The landscapes, the impressionism, the modernism, the abstracts.

The only limit is my imagination, and it is broad and deep and long.

Imagine the hours I could spend painting, experimenting, and what could be drawn.

Only the imagination is the limit.

It sounds so boring

I know. But hear me now. Just for a minute.

The next time you see the sun, take note of it. Note the warmth against your skin, even on a cold late winter's day. An orb 93 million miles away, giving life, giving warmth, giving strength.

What powers the sun? Wikipedia says...

Energy is produced by exothermic thermonuclear reactions (nuclear fusion) that mainly convert hydrogen into helium. The core is the only location in the Sun that produces an appreciable amount of heat via fusion: the rest of the star is heated by energy that is transferred outward from the core. All of the energy produced by fusion in the core must travel through many successive layers to the solar photosphere before it escapes into space as sunlight or kinetic energy of particles.

I'm not going to be presumptuous to say that all this powers me.


At the core of me is enormous positive energy. It's there. It's more than ready to power, to supply. It has in the past, it will in the future, and it even powers now. Vast storehouses, ready to supply the juice. My ability to love, to care, to have compassion, to nourish, to give heart, to give spirit, to give soul, to give passion is always there. My body and my soul yearn to give these things.

At the core also lies a special person, who has given me as much power as the sun. For that, for this, I am grateful. Thank you.

Yes, it's the same message over and over. But it's the greatest thing I can give anyone. Greater than a house or a car or some trinket. Why shouldn't I declare it for the world to see? I want to celebrate who I am, and who I can be for someone special. My big five.

My energy may slow, but it doesn't drain. I feel so fortunate to be able to be in a position where I can give so much of myself. (Kids, don't worry--chehaw remembers who chehaw is.) I am enormously grateful for this ability, this chance, this opportunity to be so much. To give what I can. And to be.

All I can do, all I have done, is show what is inside of me, inside of my heart, what I have to give.

And hope.

And remain open to what is possible.

Why so many questions?

I think questions are a way to checkdown with yourself, to see where you are.
I want my queries to liberate me, not trap me.
I want my queries to spark quests.

Another question

In my life, personally and professionally, I've always asked this:

What more can I do?

And this: How can I improve this?

And this, too: How can I be better, do better?

I don't want to take anything in life for granted. I hate it if I feel like I do.


Is writers' block really writers block, or is it your mind's way of saying, "Let me recharge myself. Don't push. Words will flow from me like a waterfall soon enough. Let the rain just fall."

Write on

Keep writing. Keep doing it and doing it. Even in the moments when it's so hurtful to think about writing.
~Heather Armstrong
I lie here in bed, letting the stillness of the morning envelope me.

I feel it surround me like water, its warmth pleasing my senses.

I swim with its currents, allowing them to move me.

As I lie here, I am one with everything and everyone.

Time slows, to allow me to drink in all that is here, all that is there.

Soft pulses wave throughout my body and my soul.

Murmurs of nourishment, for body and for soul, waft gently into the still morning air.

I feel the beating of my heart, being all, giving all.

In the stillness of the morning, I am.
In jazz, there are no mistakes, they say. Only opportunities. I am always looking for opportunities.

Good morning


Monday, March 10, 2008

Share and share alike

My passion, my art, my heart, my soul, my spirit comes out as I write. It is only one manifestation of who I am.
How can I do the things I need to do, and want to do, to be in the place I want to be?

That is the question, my dear Shakespeare.



A true mirror

Paulo Coehlo's daily message...

Seeing yourself

‘When you look at your companions, try to see yourself,’ said the Japanese teacher Okakura Kakuso.

‘But isn’t that an awfully selfish attitude?’ asked a disciple. ‘If we are always concerned about ourselves, we will never see the good things that others have to offer.’

‘If only we did always see the good things in others,’ replied Kakuso. ‘But the truth is that when we look at another person, we are only looking for defects. We try to discover his wicked side because we want him to be worse than us. We never forgive him when he hurts us because we do not believe that we would ever be forgiven. We manage to wound him with harsh words, declaring that we are telling the truth, when all we are doing is trying to hide it from ourselves. We pretend that we are important so that no one else will see how fragile we are. That is why whenever you judge your brother, be aware that you are the one who is on trial.’

I do want to reflect the best of myself to others. I want to forgive. I don't want to wound. I want others to see my strength, and my fragility. I don't want to judge. I want to build, nourish, strengthen
I want to be, to feel as one with my surroundings. I don't want to be above or below. I want to be with. I want to move as naturally as a fish, a dolphin, whale, all move through water. Naturally, flowing, joyfully.
May God help me if I laugh or am happy at the misfortune of someone else.


I am grateful for the miracle called today, and every day.


Good morning




Om mani padme hum

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Dieu Reconnaitra Les Siens

Ok, the video isn't the most sparkling. But I love this lushness and dreaminess of this song by DJ Cam. It's one of my favorites.

I've consciously been in a very lush, dreamy, sensual mood for a while now. Good.



The wind in the trees

When I was in Boy Scouts, we used to go to this campsite on a old man's farm. I loved going there, with its creek, trails and hills. At night, I loved lying in my tent, bundled up in my sleeping bag, listening to the wind cut through the trees. The whooshing sound was soothing.

This weekend, there was a lot of wind blowing through. At night, I was back in that tent, in that sleeping bag, listening to the currents of air rushing among the branches. I saw myself standing in that forest, watching the trees sway back and worth, listening to that sweet rush blow overhead.

Spiritually, this has been a good weekend.

A breed apart--2

I don't want to be above or below. I want to be with. I want to be one.

Spoken word

Spoken meditation


This is the deal for me...

(press play)

It's a cycle

A loop, much like this picture...

Often called legendary, [Ramsey] Lewis concedes, "It's a high honor when someone says so, but I don't see myself that way. What keeps me enthusiastic and energizes me, is the realization that the more I learn, the more I find there is to know."