Thursday, January 31, 2008

Who we are

No people on earth fascinate and exasperate like Americans. We are a breed apart of everyone else. I don't say this out of jingoism or arrogance. It comes from living overseas for three years, looking back over my shoulder and marveling and shaking my head at the place.

Here are two articles that point to the uniqueness of this place called America. Both revolve around the presidential race. This explores the myth of the presidency, and this looks are the primary season itself, and why it's never good to count the Leviathan out, even if it's a little wobbly.

Hoorah!

The movie Heartbreak Ridge is a forgettable Clint Eastwood movie set around the time of the U.S. invasion of Grenada. Forgettable, except for a line Eastwood said about what Marines do:

Improvise, adapt, overcome.

Rather...chameleon-like, don't you think?

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Musicology

"Jazz is about peeling away the layers of artifice to get at what is. Jazz looks at a situation and says, "This is", it might be ugly, it might be shameful, it might be beautiful, it might be revelatory, but all those things are true...."

 

--Ken Burns, director of Jazz

To chew over...

From here

The whole duty of man is embraced in the two principles of abstinence and patience: temperance in prosperity, and patient courage in adversity.

--Seneca

Saddle up


Everyday is a rodeo. So saddle up.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Espace bizarre

Am I, um, odd? No, I'm not. My perspectives, my ways of seeing and being, are different, yes. Any perceived oddness lies only on the surface. The core is strong and steadfast.

This book is a little different from the rest. Open it, read it, and you'll find more goodness than you were expecting.
Caminante, no hay camino / Se hace camino al andar.

Walker, there is no path. The path is made by walking.

--Antonio Machado

Food of the day

Soy nuts. I spent the past couples of months eating three bananas a day at work. I could have been more varied in my choices, but being a guy, I took the easiest route. Bananas are perfectly packaged, ready to eat and easily disposable (the peel in the garbage, and the banana in my stomach). But sometimes, as Sheryl Crow sang, a change will do you good. Currently, it’s a triumvirate of healthy food—soy nuts, raisins and an Oskri Organics quinoa bar in my desk. Wholesome goodness that keeps the body fresh all day.

 

And, it also makes up for the three double cheeseburgers I inhaled last night. Hey, they were a dollar apiece. And they were delish…

I want to be a warm blanket for someone to wrap themselves in.

Morning swim

The drive to the office this morning wasn’t a drive, it was a swim. I felt as if I was being carried along by some invisible hand, or wing, or fin, just floating and flowing along. I was driving through a canyon—on one side, the leading edge clouds, destined to bring rain (so God can water His children so they can grow). On the other side, a cascade of color—golds, yellows, purples, reds, blues. This feeling, this state, is stunning, sensuous, glorious, beautiful, luxurious, shimmering.

 

Good morning.

Naked

I take back everything I said about not being odd. I had a dream last night where I was walking through a restaurant talking to friends and listening to a singer. Only halfway through did I realize I was in the place naked. I didn't care, and neither did anyone else. No matter--it felt good to be stripped of clothes and pretense.

Monday, January 28, 2008

We are made of stars

We are all unique beings. We are special. There is no other mold for us than the one we are. We are snowflakes--no two are alike. That is the beauty of living, of life. Finding and celebrating what makes us, us.

Re-affirmation

The last thing I will do is subsume myself. Hide myself.

When I say I want to give a woman everything I have, I will not lose my idea of myself. I have too much inside to do that. But I have too much inside me to hold back.

I want to be more than who I am now. I've been living for myself for too long now. I want to live for and with someone else.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

If

If all you've ever been fed is chicken nuggets, how do you know if you like caviar?

(I'm not saying I'm caviar--but I'm damn sure I ain't a chicken nugget.)

Friday, January 25, 2008

Up above

The stars above look beautiful on a cold winter's night.

More on meditation

From here. Interesting stuff...
There is no obsession here. What is here, just is. This state, this feeling, is unlike anything I have ever felt before. It is in the marrow of my being. There is a strength, a purity, an elegant feel, to it. To be bursting at the seams with love and hope and faith and spirit is wonderful. To not have a vessel to put it in isn't. But it doesn't mask the powerful vibe, the flowing river. It remains.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Child-like 2

That's me. In more ways than one... Boa noite...

Promises, promises

I could sit here and promise to not write anything about my heart and soul and spirit tomorrow morning. Nothing about the sensations I feel coursing through me. Nothing about the lightness I feel. Nothing about my cup running over. I could say nothing.

But I already have ;-p

So we'll see what the new day brings.

Repost!

I'm tired, and I hate being tired. Especially when my reactor is churning away. I've been down this road before. It always sucks.

I have a sense of humor

Really, I do...

Overheard

“When life hands you a lemon, eat it.”

The word

Of the day is…fuel. For the body, for the soul.

Swimming, flying, floating, being, tingling, pulsing. Every morning, it's the same song my heart sings. I am what I am. Heart, soul, spirit. And waiting for a taker.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Fireman

Everyday, professionally, I run into burning buildings, knowing I’m going to get burned. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Floating

How can I be sad if I am willing to give so much of myself? How can I be sad if I still want to give it? How can I be sad if I understand what I can be and what I can give?

I can't.

Hmmm

The experiment continues here...

(Or here, if that link doesn't work)

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Dormez-vous, dormez-vous

Every rebel, every warrior, needs to bed down for the night, and rest. Recharge for the next day.

You can't say it enough

Thank you.

Medication

Sometimes the good doctor chehaw prescribes the drugs relax and patience to his wards. Sometimes, though, the good doctor won't take his own medicine, having taken enough of it to last two lifetimes. It's not as if the good doctor isn't happy. The medicine isn't working for him. He needs something else that works faster, better.

TFTD

The self-confidence of the warrior is not the self-confidence of the average man. The average man seeks certainty in the eyes of the onlooker and calls that self-confidence. The warrior seeks impeccability in his own eyes and calls that humbleness. The average man is hooked to his fellow men, while the warrior is hooked only to infinity.

--Carlos Castaneda


Monday, January 21, 2008

Walking well

Stop. That $20 you were going to spend on yet another latte, a bad movie, a unhealthy dinner--take that $20 and spend it on someone who really needs it. It might be the best money you've spent in a while. The head basketball coach at Indiana University-Purdue University at Indianapolis, Ron Hunter, will coach a game in his bare feet to spread the word. Let's see follows his example...

The dream

I never get tired of this song by David Sanborn. An appropriate title on Martin Luther King Day.

Heartburn/heartyearn

It's much, much too easy to fall into the trap of self-pity. Woe is me, why does the world hate me.

The world doesn't hate me. It wants what I have to give. The frustration sets in when I can't give what I have bursting inside me, screaming and struggling to feel the warmth and light of the outside, where it belongs. But it's always there. Ready, so ready, to be free.
-----------------------------------
It seems like I don't have anything else to write about. But this is the thing, the place, the state of being, I want to be in. To be at my most giving and unselfish, to become greater than myself by pouring my heart, my soul, my love, my spirit, into a waiting vessel. A nice career, a nice car, a nice place to live--these are ok. But this is the most important thing for me in my life.

The rest is mere detail.

Child's play

I was flying back this morning from up north, and on approach, the flight got a little choppy, with the plane bucking a little bit more than normal. A couple of faces look a tad, concerned. But from the middle of the plane, there was the distinct laughter of a little girl, enjoying each dip and bounce and motion. She wasn't worried, and neither was I.

Headbangers' Ball

Back in the 1980s and the early 1990s, MTV (when they used to show music videos), aired a program called "Headbangers' Ball," showcasing the best hard rock and heavy metal bands out there. I thought of that and walls. I bang my head up against them because that is all I've done in my life. And, after a fashion, they've come down. Experience, being the teacher that it is, says to always keep aspirin at hand. And to be thankful once the wall comes tumblin'.

When

When, dear Lord, is my turn going to come? I'm good enough to be on
the merry-go-round, not to just watch.

Friday, January 18, 2008

The tingle, the pulse, the wave. Whatever you call it, it remains in me.

Let's try this again, shall we?


Click here to get your own player.

Raining cats and dogs

One of the reasons I like cats--they always land on their feet.

I like dogs, too. Underdogs...


Thursday, January 17, 2008

The tingling I've been feeling lately, I don't want it to go away.

Snowfall

The transformative power of such a light and elegant thing like snow is extraordinary. The child in me comes out of the shell of the adult. I stand in front of the window, watching the flakes twinkle and dance as they fall gently to earth, turning a brown and bleak winter landscape fresh and new.

Tickling the ivories

There are a million fingers in me, playing, tingling my heart, my soul, my senses. The senses are alive.

Lucid

I've been dreaming every night for weeks. This morning, a quick one--there was an empty pitcher, with water being poured in.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

A great thought

From here...

There is more to life than increasing its speed. - Gandhi

It's really easy

It seems so hard at the time. Just sitting there. Doing nothing. Eyes closed. But mind racing a million miles a second. But all you have to do is relax. Drift. Be patient. Just be.

Fantastic little story

Right here. Charity to those who don't want it--interesting concept...

The mind's ability to regulate, restore and still itself is amazing. It empties itself to prepare to receive. Receive what? Lots of things...

Lately, there hasn't been as much music playing in my head. I've noticed that today. The internal dialogue has been more one of flowing in between calm, still, tingling, boiling, moving, breathing, being. Of course I still listen to music, and the songs still turn on. But the playlist now sounds...different...

No crossing here

There are some bridges that people will never be able to cross. The idea of a black man becoming president of the United States is one of them.

When Barack Obama won the Iowa caucuses, I thought, damn, this wild dream may actually happen. Then I thought, someone will take a shot at him. It's happened to King, JFK and RFK. Someone unable to handle change, needing a gun to appear to maintain the status quo. Time and change march on.

I love the quote at the end of this piece...

"When they cut down the leader, the work is going to go on," he said. "Get rid of Mrs. Clinton, you have Mr. Obama. You get rid of both of them, you get Mr. Edwards. A flock of geese will move to protect the lead goose from the hunter."

Harmonious

Beautiful notes are played, and heard, in the silence of the morning.
No matter that I'm calm, or caught up in the hurly-burly, the center remains the same. Remains ready.

Space invaders? Not really

Remember those walls? Let's be zen-like about this and meditate on it...

There is no wall. There is no space. Only infinite.

(It's a lot to contemplate early, I know.)

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Shhh/peaceful



The title refers to a song on Miles Davis's album "In a Silent Way." I've been a little quiet for a couple of days. No big deal. Things are cool. I guess I'm soaking my rebelliousness. I still tingle, sizzle, burst. Those haven't gone away...

Work is cool

Even in the midst of the hurly-burly at the office, I am as cool as ice. I let little get to me. And I put max effort into what I do. I don't know how else to do it.

Sometimes

I sit here and say to myself, "What?" "Huh?"

Hmm...

I am feeling rather light this morning. Empty. As if I am about to receive something. Interesting.

Morning time

When I nodded off to dreamland last night, I wondered how long I can sustain it.

In the morning, the answer comes, as it always does.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Movement to contact

As move through your day step outside yourself. Watch your actions, your movements. Observe yourself in the world.

Mysterious ways

Sometimes, God puts walls (glass, brick, what have you) in your way. To see how you react. Those walls wouldn’t be there if He didn’t think you could overcome them.

 

 

Where the streets have no name

That U2 song has been buzzing in my head all weekend. Especially this line...

I wanna tear down the walls that hold me inside...

Walls, bursting at the seams, etc. The energy to do, to be, remains present, remains high.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Five minutes later...

My beloved Cowboys lost their game tonight, ending their season and their Super Bowl hopes. I was hurt that they were stopped on the march to the Lombardi Trophy (right--New England's already dibs on it). But a few minutes later, I was fine. As much as I like the Cowboys, their fall from the playoffs isn't a matter of national importance. Yes, I want them to win, but my life isn't dependent on it. I'll wake up tomorrow. Other matters, well, let's say cut closer to me. Those matters aren't a game.

Promenade

A walk in the cold, sunny air of a quiet Sunday morning. The walk among the wind, the pond, the geese fortified my soul. Lifted spirits already good. Reinforced what beats in my heart. The rivers of my treasures still flow freely.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Exposure

You may put your clothes back. I may put my clothes back back on. Yet, we both have seen underneath. We understand our nakedness.

Always there

The kid in me is always there, underneath the cloak of adulthood. It
never goes away, and it comes out and plays when it feels like it. In
its own way, of course.

Dust

Allowing the dust to settle, I want to help, to heal, to repair. To give and to take. Through my imperfections, this is what I seek.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Wilderness

Why are you scared to go out into the wilderness? To trek to a place you've never been before? The woods, are dark and foreboding, yes, but they are full of adventure and discovery, too.

 

Driving into gray

The commute today was an interesting one. Rain made for a sloppy track, and drivers usually known for setting land-speed records took care getting to work, or other places they didn't want to be. I'm sitting in the car, driving. Just there. Moving through traffic. At one with it. I got chills, goosebumps, at just being there. A bright light in a gray morning.

 

Rip it up

Take the playbook, and just junk it. Throw it out. It's no good. The plays stink, they're old, they don't fit. Rewrite the plays. Rewrite the rules.

Rock steady

What's there, is there.

No work

It's raining, and I heard a rumble of thunder. That's why I don't want to go to work today.

Let's have some fun

I'm not a fan of chain letters. And horoscopes sometimes pique my interest. I found this on the Interweb, via a friend. It's part of a chain letter that warns of dire consequences if you don't forward it. Whatever. Anyway, I'm an Aries, and here was my horoscope....

ARIES - The Aggressive
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be 'Right'. Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

And, here are my notes...

ARIES - The Aggressive
Outgoing. (Really, I am) Lovable. (Very much) Spontaneous. (Really, I am) Not one to mess with. (Damn right) Funny. (Ha Ha!) Excellent kisser (Absolutely) EXTREMELY adorable. (Extremely) Loves relationships, (yes) and family is very important to an Aries. (Yes it is) Aries are known for being generous and giving. (Very much so.) Addictive. (Maybe...) Loud. (Sometimes in a restaurant after a glass of wine) Always has the need to be 'Right'. (The only place where this is wrong) Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. (Ok, somewhat) Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world. (As if you doubted) 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward. (Like, whatever dude)

Well done

Put in your mind the picture of a steak. Now, think of the sound that steak makes as it hits the grill. That is how I feel this morning. Sizzle and steak.

I don't feel like going to work this morning. Not because I'm sad, or because work stinks. I'm just, I don't feel like being trapped by walls.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Adventure of a lifetime

Every day brings a new adventure, every day can feel like a lifetime. What will tomorrow's adventure, tomorrow's lifetime, bring?

Who am I, really?




As if you had to ask...

I can see for miles and miles

I've been checking off with myself, making sure that I am not being delusional about anything I am sensing and feeling. And, nope, all systems are sound. No delusions, no illusions. Everything that's there, is.

Hammer/head

Sometimes a thought feels like a hammer hitting you over the head, making you sit up and say, "well, hell yes!" Or, "like, duh!" The obviousness of it is stupefying.

I'm sad right now, but expansive. I can't stay down. I should be down, but I can't. Use me to recharge.

 

Sometimes

The thought wanders in my mind if I shut up, not say anything. I can't, though. I run and run and run. I feel strongly. I want my words to heal, not hurt. Positive, and strong.

 

Rebuild

If my heart could be crushed into a million pieces, maybe I'd be hurt. Wounded. Devastated. And trust me, I'm not the happiest of campers at this moment.

But my heart is a whole, a strong whole. It may be dented, but it has the enormous capacity to regenerate and repair. On its own. I do nothing. It does the work. I follow.

 

There is no stubbornness here.

 

There is no misplaced or distorted sense of having to be right.

 

There is no hanging of for the sake of staving away loneliness.

 

It is. It simply is.

Radar

As you tread, tread without fear. But tread fully awake and aware.

 

 

 

Still here, still there

Those pulses I talked about recently? Still there. Haven't gone anywhere. I know. I'm surprised. too.

Oh...

And another thing...


Oh let the sun beat down upon my face, stars to fill my dream
I am a traveler of both time and space, to be where I have been
To sit with elders of the gentle race, this world has seldom seen
They talk of days for which they sit and wait and all will be revealed

Going global

You might think that I ought to be hiding from the world. As expansive as I am, and feel, I'm right here. For the world to see.

In good company

A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.

Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

hat tip again

More thoughts

On this story. It is too easy to see darkness, and cower at it. Instead, darkness can be light, pointing the way to how life should be truly lived. It is too easy to allow darkness to be chains around us. They are easily broken.

Another brick in the wall...?

It's not that the wall is made of brick; it's made of glass. Which makes it worse--I can see what is on the other side, but can't touch it. I want to be there. To feel. To touch.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Playbook

Some of us guys need this. Badly.

La vie

Sometimes, life makes me shake my head and ask, "What the hell is going on out here?" It's an amazing thing.

Two thoughts

On this post...

My mentor never says she's angry, only that she's "peeved."

A question has been lingering all day about this story. Why do women say they want good guys, turn their noses up at good guys, and date jerks who don't give a damn about them? It amazes me. it makes me shake my head, gobsmacked.

Out of the ordinary

An apology to the world...

If you were expecting someone ordinary, run of the mill, bland, so-so, 100% quiet, milquetoast, the same old same old, sorry to have exceeded your expectations.

Demands

Don't let the shy, quiet exterior fool you--I am a very demanding person. My head and my heart ask for a lot, they expect to receive it, and they get frustrated when they don't. My only goal is to keep them happy.

As Duke Ellington said, I am very easy to please. I only want the best.

What this is

This blog isn't necessarily going to be sunshine and strawberries and cream all the time. This is my penalty box and my confessional, too. This is a safe place for me to cry, to kick the trash can, to scream. One of the reasons I can maintain an even keel is because I allow myself to vent. Steam builds, and it needs to go somewhere.

I'm an all-pro

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."

Hunter S. Thompson

I'm happy, really!

I know it seems like I'm really serious lately. And have a right to be. It doesn't make me some sad-sack hermit. I do know how to enjoy life. And I do enjoy it. The bad and the good.
An important post here.

Viva la revolucion


Thomas Jefferson said a little rebellion now and then is a good thing. It seems like now is here. I have been very energetic, kinda peppery, a little snappish, for the past few days. Not settling for the status quo. Banging my head against the wall. Fulfilling unfulfilled ambitions.

I think I have stumbled upon an unspoken new years resolution. Stumbling is fine, as long as you get up. Rebels don't sit for long.

Trailblazer

The path is not always a clear one. There are obstacles that get in the way. Shadows of past failures. Mirages of things ahead. Trees blocking the way. Rain, snow, cold, heat. You remain on the path because you know what you seek.

 

Faith is the basis for the path, the mother of virtue; it nourishes all roots of goodness.

 

--Wu-chien

 

Clouds and rainbows

The skies during this morning's commute were very contrasting. On the first part of the commute, a dichotomy. To the east, God's own palette of light and color. Golds, pinks, blues streaked across the dawning sky.

 

To the west, an unusual blue-steel gray, portending rain to fall soon. Little wisps of white clouds clipped along in front, heralds for what is to come.

 

Half an hour later, and further north, the clouds broke, requiring sunglasses. Scanning the sky to the west, driving in the flow of traffic, I spot it--a rainbow. In Brussels, it rained so often, you would see them all the time. Not so much where I am now. It was gratifying to see. As if, someone is trying to say something to me.

 

Still/moving

I try to be still. Honestly, I do. I sit still, allow the dust to settle to see what remains. Right now, what remains is boundless energy. Right now, it's potential energy--energy that is ready to move, go, break free. It needs to be kinetic, moving, on the go, flowing. Despite a setback, the energy has not diminished. All of my senses tingle, pulse. Why should I close them off, shut them down? Writing helps the energy flow.

 

The real

What and how I feel are not mere illusions or dillusions. They simple are.

Spices

I am not a huge fan of pepper, but I have been peppery lately. Good.

Light switch

Emotions can't be flipped on like a light switch.

Emotions can't be flipped off like a light switch, either.

Runner

Sometimes I wonder how long my heart can run. It can run as long as it needs to.

The center

The most important thing to me right now is what my heart wants.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

I am

What I am, is different. My outlook on the world differs from most.
I'm never quite satisfied. I see another solution, another way. Doing
things the same way is dull. Being a stereotype, what society wants
you to be, is dull. Mediocrity sucks.

Wonderful quote

"Enlightenment is the reward for watching yourself in action".

A comment

I love this story. Because I am not comfortable now. I am anything but mediocre. I am a special, special man. I want to reveal and use all those gifts I have been given. It may seem I hide some, but it's only to protect myself if I get hurt. I am free and expansive and incredible and, yes, amazing.

A dream

I was in the country, coming from somewhere during the morning. Driving along a road, I saw a buddy pedaling toward me. I stopped in the middle of the road to try to catch him, but he never came. The drivers behind me got mad, and they moved ahead of me. Later, I went through this town, without the car, and came upon this house. I walked through it, not knowing if anyone was there. But the man of the house was indeed there. He looked so familiar to me, I had seen him before somewhere, in a picture. As he ushered me out of the house, he said, you can handle it. It's hard, yes, but don't give up. You can do it.

I won't. And I can.

Monday, January 7, 2008

It didn't quite work

Bear with me...

Broccoli is supposed to be a cooling food, to help you relax. I need that, not only to ease the energy I have, but because I am a pitta. A who? In the nutritional program I took, I had to figure out which of three ayurvedic types, or doshas, I was. Pittas have fire and water elements. One of the foods I should eat is broccoli for cooling--pittas are get-it-done people who can get cranky. (The body always aims for balance). I didn't quite get the cooling, but hey, it tasted good.

Ready 5

I am boiling over with emotion, passion, desire, energy. I am in a perpetual state of readiness. Ready to launch anytime, anywhere. I am utterly bursting right now. It will not be locked away in a trunk. It will flow freely, like a river.
--------------------------------------------------------
Jazz usually has a calming effect on me--it smoothes me out and untangles the knots. This morning I listened to TSF Jazz. Nope. Still a hurricane.

Walk 500 miles?

No. Right now, I have so much energy in me, I could run a million miles and not break a sweat. I feel nuclear-powered--I could go on forever.

Through the rain/through the fire

Even in the eye of the hurricane, I am calm. Winds swirl about me, but they cannot drop me to my knees. My core is rooted fast to the ground, and reaches far into the sky. The storm turns and roars, but the core remains in place.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I know your worth to me. I've always seen it, even through the fires of anger.

I know

I know of all the possibilities that love has to offer. I've touched, tasted, felt, sensed, celebrated, despaired them all. They are part of a drug, and once you sense its wonders, you want more. You feel like you deserve more, because you know where your heart is. And where it desires to be.

 

Walls come, and walls go. I have run headlong into them, through them, around them. They are merely temporary.

 

Ah, I am bursting at the seams. I am ready and prepared for someone to take the gifts that I have and grow and have fun and be joyous. Even now, while I may hurt, I am ready. Right now.

 

Care and concern

I care deeply about her. I worry about her. She is lively, wonderful, caring, beautiful. I miss talking to her. But we disagree on one major thing. And that is why we are not talking to each other, and this may last for a while.

 

She may wonder why I keep writing after I have said I would be quiet. She has infected me with her soul, her spirit. They are as beautiful as she is. That is why she remains in me. The pulses I feel are her. But that is as close as I'll ever be to her.

Discussion

I had a discussion the other day with a friend from Italy. We were both wondering why we can't find someone to love. We're both good enough people. We both have everything a partner and lover could want. And we both know what we seek. So what is the problem? I don't know. I don't know. Falling short of where I have been before seems to be the story of my life right now. I am more. I am everything. Why can't someone see it and take what I am willing and ready to give?

 

And this--if you're too aggressive, you're a jerk. If you're too laid-back, you're a pansy (or that other p-word). I think I'm in the middle. And still, it's not enough.

 

I have to sacrifice, again. Walk away, again. Damnit, I don't want to. I don't want to run away. I want the treasure I seek. I want the treasure I can give. That is why keep banging my head against the wall.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Pad 39B

I stand ready on the launch pad, steam and smoke hissing from me. I am waiting for Mission Control to push the fire button, launching me into orbit. Launching me back into a place where I am wholly comfortable being.

Movement

The rush of speed, the ease of movement felt refreshing after a long week of battle in the forest. Maybe, I thought, this steel chariot could whisk me away from my worries, my desires.

And yet, the vibrations, the pulses of energy, of something, follow me. They are with me; I cannot abandon them.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

To and fro

Littered throughout the forest are dragons, expert at raining down the fires of despair. Also littered throughout the forest are angels with wings of determination.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Standing to

As I ride through the forest, I am ready. Ready to be everything.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

I'm ready

I'm ready. Simply ready. For what? To do, to be.