Thursday, January 31, 2008
Here are two articles that point to the uniqueness of this place called America. Both revolve around the presidential race. This explores the myth of the presidency, and this looks are the primary season itself, and why it's never good to count the Leviathan out, even if it's a little wobbly.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
"Jazz is about peeling away the layers of artifice to get at what is. Jazz looks at a situation and says, "This is", it might be ugly, it might be shameful, it might be beautiful, it might be revelatory, but all those things are true...."
--Ken Burns, director of Jazz
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
This book is a little different from the rest. Open it, read it, and you'll find more goodness than you were expecting.
Soy nuts. I spent the past couples of months eating three bananas a day at work. I could have been more varied in my choices, but being a guy, I took the easiest route. Bananas are perfectly packaged, ready to eat and easily disposable (the peel in the garbage, and the banana in my stomach). But sometimes, as Sheryl Crow sang, a change will do you good. Currently, it’s a triumvirate of healthy food—soy nuts, raisins and an Oskri Organics quinoa bar in my desk. Wholesome goodness that keeps the body fresh all day.
And, it also makes up for the three double cheeseburgers I inhaled last night. Hey, they were a dollar apiece. And they were delish…
The drive to the office this morning wasn’t a drive, it was a swim. I felt as if I was being carried along by some invisible hand, or wing, or fin, just floating and flowing along. I was driving through a canyon—on one side, the leading edge clouds, destined to bring rain (so God can water His children so they can grow). On the other side, a cascade of color—golds, yellows, purples, reds, blues. This feeling, this state, is stunning, sensuous, glorious, beautiful, luxurious, shimmering.
Monday, January 28, 2008
When I say I want to give a woman everything I have, I will not lose my idea of myself. I have too much inside to do that. But I have too much inside me to hold back.
I want to be more than who I am now. I've been living for myself for too long now. I want to live for and with someone else.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
But I already have ;-p
So we'll see what the new day brings.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
The world doesn't hate me. It wants what I have to give. The frustration sets in when I can't give what I have bursting inside me, screaming and struggling to feel the warmth and light of the outside, where it belongs. But it's always there. Ready, so ready, to be free.
It seems like I don't have anything else to write about. But this is the thing, the place, the state of being, I want to be in. To be at my most giving and unselfish, to become greater than myself by pouring my heart, my soul, my love, my spirit, into a waiting vessel. A nice career, a nice car, a nice place to live--these are ok. But this is the most important thing for me in my life.
The rest is mere detail.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Lately, there hasn't been as much music playing in my head. I've noticed that today. The internal dialogue has been more one of flowing in between calm, still, tingling, boiling, moving, breathing, being. Of course I still listen to music, and the songs still turn on. But the playlist now sounds...different...
No crossing here
There are some bridges that people will never be able to cross. The idea of a black man becoming president of the United States is one of them.
When Barack Obama won the Iowa caucuses, I thought, damn, this wild dream may actually happen. Then I thought, someone will take a shot at him. It's happened to King, JFK and RFK. Someone unable to handle change, needing a gun to appear to maintain the status quo. Time and change march on.
I love the quote at the end of this piece...
"When they cut down the leader, the work is going to go on," he said. "Get rid of Mrs. Clinton, you have Mr. Obama. You get rid of both of them, you get Mr. Edwards. A flock of geese will move to protect the lead goose from the hunter."
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Friday, January 11, 2008
The commute today was an interesting one. Rain made for a sloppy track, and drivers usually known for setting land-speed records took care getting to work, or other places they didn't want to be. I'm sitting in the car, driving. Just there. Moving through traffic. At one with it. I got chills, goosebumps, at just being there. A bright light in a gray morning.
ARIES - The Aggressive
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be 'Right'. Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
And, here are my notes...
ARIES - The Aggressive
Outgoing. (Really, I am) Lovable. (Very much) Spontaneous. (Really, I am) Not one to mess with. (Damn right) Funny. (Ha Ha!) Excellent kisser (Absolutely) EXTREMELY adorable. (Extremely) Loves relationships, (yes) and family is very important to an Aries. (Yes it is) Aries are known for being generous and giving. (Very much so.) Addictive. (Maybe...) Loud. (Sometimes in a restaurant after a glass of wine) Always has the need to be 'Right'. (The only place where this is wrong) Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. (Ok, somewhat) Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world. (As if you doubted) 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward. (Like, whatever dude)
I don't feel like going to work this morning. Not because I'm sad, or because work stinks. I'm just, I don't feel like being trapped by walls.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
If my heart could be crushed into a million pieces, maybe I'd be hurt. Wounded. Devastated. And trust me, I'm not the happiest of campers at this moment.
But my heart is a whole, a strong whole. It may be dented, but it has the enormous capacity to regenerate and repair. On its own. I do nothing. It does the work. I follow.
Oh let the sun beat down upon my face, stars to fill my dream
I am a traveler of both time and space, to be where I have been
To sit with elders of the gentle race, this world has seldom seen
They talk of days for which they sit and wait and all will be revealed
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)
hat tip again
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
My mentor never says she's angry, only that she's "peeved."
A question has been lingering all day about this story. Why do women say they want good guys, turn their noses up at good guys, and date jerks who don't give a damn about them? It amazes me. it makes me shake my head, gobsmacked.
As Duke Ellington said, I am very easy to please. I only want the best.
Thomas Jefferson said a little rebellion now and then is a good thing. It seems like now is here. I have been very energetic, kinda peppery, a little snappish, for the past few days. Not settling for the status quo. Banging my head against the wall. Fulfilling unfulfilled ambitions.
I think I have stumbled upon an unspoken new years resolution. Stumbling is fine, as long as you get up. Rebels don't sit for long.
The path is not always a clear one. There are obstacles that get in the way. Shadows of past failures. Mirages of things ahead. Trees blocking the way. Rain, snow, cold, heat. You remain on the path because you know what you seek.
Faith is the basis for the path, the mother of virtue; it nourishes all roots of goodness.
The skies during this morning's commute were very contrasting. On the first part of the commute, a dichotomy. To the east, God's own palette of light and color. Golds, pinks, blues streaked across the dawning sky.
To the west, an unusual blue-steel gray, portending rain to fall soon. Little wisps of white clouds clipped along in front, heralds for what is to come.
Half an hour later, and further north, the clouds broke, requiring sunglasses. Scanning the sky to the west, driving in the flow of traffic, I spot it--a rainbow. In Brussels, it rained so often, you would see them all the time. Not so much where I am now. It was gratifying to see. As if, someone is trying to say something to me.
I try to be still. Honestly, I do. I sit still, allow the dust to settle to see what remains. Right now, what remains is boundless energy. Right now, it's potential energy--energy that is ready to move, go, break free. It needs to be kinetic, moving, on the go, flowing. Despite a setback, the energy has not diminished. All of my senses tingle, pulse. Why should I close them off, shut them down? Writing helps the energy flow.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
I won't. And I can.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Broccoli is supposed to be a cooling food, to help you relax. I need that, not only to ease the energy I have, but because I am a pitta. A who? In the nutritional program I took, I had to figure out which of three ayurvedic types, or doshas, I was. Pittas have fire and water elements. One of the foods I should eat is broccoli for cooling--pittas are get-it-done people who can get cranky. (The body always aims for balance). I didn't quite get the cooling, but hey, it tasted good.
Jazz usually has a calming effect on me--it smoothes me out and untangles the knots. This morning I listened to TSF Jazz. Nope. Still a hurricane.
Even in the eye of the hurricane, I am calm. Winds swirl about me, but they cannot drop me to my knees. My core is rooted fast to the ground, and reaches far into the sky. The storm turns and roars, but the core remains in place.
I know your worth to me. I've always seen it, even through the fires of anger.
I know of all the possibilities that love has to offer. I've touched, tasted, felt, sensed, celebrated, despaired them all. They are part of a drug, and once you sense its wonders, you want more. You feel like you deserve more, because you know where your heart is. And where it desires to be.
Walls come, and walls go. I have run headlong into them, through them, around them. They are merely temporary.
Ah, I am bursting at the seams. I am ready and prepared for someone to take the gifts that I have and grow and have fun and be joyous. Even now, while I may hurt, I am ready. Right now.
I care deeply about her. I worry about her. She is lively, wonderful, caring, beautiful. I miss talking to her. But we disagree on one major thing. And that is why we are not talking to each other, and this may last for a while.
She may wonder why I keep writing after I have said I would be quiet. She has infected me with her soul, her spirit. They are as beautiful as she is. That is why she remains in me. The pulses I feel are her. But that is as close as I'll ever be to her.
I had a discussion the other day with a friend from Italy. We were both wondering why we can't find someone to love. We're both good enough people. We both have everything a partner and lover could want. And we both know what we seek. So what is the problem? I don't know. I don't know. Falling short of where I have been before seems to be the story of my life right now. I am more. I am everything. Why can't someone see it and take what I am willing and ready to give?
And this--if you're too aggressive, you're a jerk. If you're too laid-back, you're a pansy (or that other p-word). I think I'm in the middle. And still, it's not enough.
I have to sacrifice, again. Walk away, again. Damnit, I don't want to. I don't want to run away. I want the treasure I seek. I want the treasure I can give. That is why keep banging my head against the wall.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
And yet, the vibrations, the pulses of energy, of something, follow me. They are with me; I cannot abandon them.