Saturday, June 14, 2008

Construction's over

This blog now has a new address...

Come over and sit for a spell...

Under construction

Changes are a-coming to the blog later today...


My job on this earth is to nurture, nourish and protect. If I ever
surpress anyone's humanity, may God help me.

I want to grow someone's humanity.


Friday, June 13, 2008


Rest in peace, Tim Russert. And thank you.

A great drummer

I'm so happy that Brian Blade has another CD out. Perceptual was a fantastic piece of music, and I can't wait to hear this one.

The tao of driving--V

Cruise control

As I schlep up the turnpike this morning, I'll use my cruise control to keep a constant speed and save a little gas.

I can't treat life that way. I am actively involved in it.


Positive power

Positive focus, positive emotions. Namaste.


Writing, I think, is not apart from living. Writing is a kind of double living. The writer experiences everything twice. Once in reality and once in that mirror which waits always before or behind.

Catherine Drinker Bowen

We can never fully know.
I simply believe that some part of the human Self or Soul
is not subject to the laws of space and time.

Carl Jung

From beneath me arises the energy of the Earth, my home and my foundation.
From above me pours down the light of the Sun and the enchanting Moon.
To my right hand flows the strength to control and direct, the power of magic.
To my left hand comes the skill to divine and to heal, the source of blessing.

(hat tip)

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Mirror, mirror--2

If water derives lucidity from stillness, how much more the faculties of the mind! The mind of the sage, being in repose, becomes the mirror of the universe, the speculum of all creation.

Chuang Tzu

I just finished shaving, and spent a long, long time peering into my eyes, my soul.

What did I find?


In what my soul has, what my soul receives, and what my soul is willing to and wants to give.

Which is itself.

There is a lot of nourishment, nurturing, growth willing to be given freely to the heart and soul of another.

I am always ready to pour it out.



What is one of the things that I want?

I want to rest gently on the earth.

Yet move it resolutely.

Is that possible?


What I see

When I said earlier I think that someone special should write, I believe it. There are no projections, no tight grip. I simply see beautiful poetry in her.

You can't write well with a tight grip. Writing is a dance. The words in your heart call the tune, and you move with the rhythm.

Writing is life, and life is writing.

Tres simple.
Peace reigns in me.
Peace is what I long to give to the heart.

This is cool...

There's a great website to help build your creative writing chops---oneword. The premise is simple. They give you a word, and you have 60 seconds to write about it. It forces you to not edit, but write.
Today's word is daisy. Look for chehaw's entry, which, frankly, is one of the better ones so far (Heather's is great.)

The power of the word

For someone like me, it is a very strange habit to write in a diary. Not only that I have never written before, but it strikes me that later I, nor anyone else, will care for the outpouring of a thirteen year old schoolgirl.
Yes, Anne Frank, we care about your outpouring.
I am trying to encourage someone close to write. I truly believe that she possesses the heart, the soul, the vision of a poet. Her words to me have power, beauty and grace, and I believe the world should see them.
I write a little everyday. What truly stirs in my heart. Even if those words seem mundane and repetitive.
I write because I have the energy to do it. I write because this is the roadmap to my heart and soul. I have so much bubbling and stirring in me. My words may never carry the impact the words of Anne Frank had, and that's ok.
As long as my words breathe fresh air.

Be prepared

I'm an Eagle Scout, and I'm proud of these guys, too.
First breath of the morning
Stirs the soul from slumber

Dreams of the night
Feed the dreams of the day

The dawn's early light
Caresses the soul

Bringing nourishment
To all it touches

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

More mountains

I'm happy to be climbing the mountains I have climbed.

I'm happy to have more mountains to climb.



If I hate all the things below, what do I love?

Me. In all the best ways possible.

As T.O. says, I love me some me!

The world. Yeah, it kicks me it in the butt. But I kick back.

And...entities that are here, and not here...

Let's be clear...

Yes, I can be reticent. Maybe a tad ego-centric.

But, God Almighty. I hate, hate articles like this.

I hate being sold short. I hate being put in a cubbyhole I don't belong in.

I hate being knee-capped like that.

I'm not scared of my wounds, or my faults, or my idiosyncrasies at all.

They, plus all my goodness ;-), make chehaw, chehaw.

No matter how boring or passionless he may seem. ;-)

Oh really, now...

"Men don't start boring," Maeve Pollard believes, "they end up boring."
Really? Hmmm...
More on this, later.

Amen to that

Or, standing on the shoulders of giants

I was reading my hometown paper and on the front page was the story of a remarkable woman. It ended this way...

"God has been merciful to me." "I still feel like I'm 14!"

I hope when I turn 105, like she did on June 1, I still feel that way.

Even though I've 36, I have felt younger--a smarter 29 or 30 as it were. And with the changes in me over the the past 15 months, and with the journey my heart is going through now, I believe it will stay that way.

The woman in the story is remarkable, the soul of resilience. Her father was a slave. She couldn't go to school, instead being home-taught. Yet, she worked for the State Department in Washington for 11 years.

She overcame a lot. I have no excuses.
Thank you.
There is a warmth enveloping my soul this morning, wrapping around me
like a cocoon. My wish this morning is to give that feeling, that
warmth, to the soul of a woman.



For the Warrior of Light, there is no such thing as an impossible love.
(Manual of the Warrior of Light)

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The thunder rolls

Nights like this would scare the hell out of me as a kid.

The sky here went from peacefully cloudy to menacing in 40 minutes. A bad thunderstorm is approaching. The wind has strengthened, bringing change and cool air to ease the heat of the past few days. The trees rustle and sway, the horizon brightens with flashes of brilliant light.

When I was little, I was scared to death of thunderstorms. The lightning and the thunder frightened me. The closer the thunder came, the jumpier I got. Once, I was looking out the window when lightning struck nearby. I jumped for my life and ran back into the living room.

My second greatest fear was a storm was dealing with it at night. My greatest fear was being alone in one.

Like right now.

But I learned more about storms, and weather, and what scared me fascinated me. Instead of running away and hiding, I discovered. I discovered these things that tower overhead. And I discovered myself.

The sound of the rain against the pavement, the scent of the air, the sight of lightning filling, the rolling thunder chasing the wind---you can't imagine the beauty it brings to my soul.


Silent energy

It's incredible.

I have a stupendous amount of energy for someone special, yet I can't put that energy where I want.

So. What do I do with it?

It flows here. Instead of me burying it, hiding it in a closet, bottling it up.

I let it roam and play. Breathe the fresh air of life.

My focus isn't on what I have, but what I can give.


No deaf ear/no blind eye

I walked through a field last night in my dreams.

I will remember what I saw there.

My heart, my soul, my dreams say listen.

And I will.
What I have in me, is in me, I live it, I breathe it, I dream it.

And I dreamed it last night.

I am surrounded by warmth and protection. What I dreamed--the company I was with; the incredible, incredible walk I took--so stirred my soul.

I smile because something, some force is moving me somewhere.

My heart and my soul are bound together. Thankfully.


Monday, June 9, 2008

Hello world

It's time for another experiment. First, it was the podcast, now this. Shot this afternoon.

My aim is not to compete or control the ones I care about. I want to support, nurture and nourish them.

That debt

The debt I wrote about yesterday. I want to be the man, the husband, the father my dad wasn't to me.
I want to do better, so my child can reach beyond what I gave them.
Any parent would want their child to do better than them.

What's good

Anything good--good art, good music, good clothes, good writing, whatever--should not be cliche. it should surprise, inspire, infuriate (a little).

Look, up in the sky

When I was in high school, I sat in the back of pre-algebra class sketching out bridges on graph paper.

At one point, I even toyed with being a civil engineer and build bridges, the same things that scare me. (What scares me, fascinates me.)

I've had a keen interest in architecture, the way buildings dot the sky. I'm drawn to how buildings play together, and against, each other.

I'm picking thorugh the New York Times magazine's special report on cities and architecture. (The cover shot is playful, and stark.)

Nicolai Ouroussoff, the Times' architecture critic, writes a great piece on instant cities, and how they are changing the very definition of how cities get build.

Dubai is of particular interest to me. There is a sort of Wild West aspect to it, a place build almost literally out of nothing. I want to go there out of sheer curiosity, to see if it is for real, or a Potemkin village, all show and no go.

What do these places mean for our future? For the past few decades, our growth has been outward, sprawling generically into the countryside. Will the future of architecture be just as generic, but climbing ever higher instead of out?

Back to Dubai. The Burj Dubai, when completed, is expected to be a half-mile high. Yes, 2,500-plus feet. Do we need something like that? Maybe not. Is it wasteful? Possibly. But there is something about it that is fascinating. To crane our necks skyward, and marvel at man's brilliance (and hubris), and wonder if we ourselves could--or would--live 1,600 feet above the ground.

A supertall skyscraper like the Burj Dubai is sort of a metaphor for life. Even as we may wag our finger at the expense and wastefulness, we wonder what it would be like with our heads above the clouds.

Good architecture should do that--move the onloooker.

For some reason

These lyrics have been in my head for days. Why?


When I say the word be, I am talking about being still. Allowing my heart, my soul--me--to be where they are, and move ahead. Grow.

It's not hot outside

It's merely annoying.

I am French

Stop the presses! This explains everything! ;-)

A friend just came back from Paris, and recalled a dinner party where the subject of men and women came up. A woman there said French men are more like women than French women. While the men were steamed about that statement, they agreed--sheepishly--that they are more reticent about making the first move.

So much for that stereotype. Though beginnings aren't always what they're cracked up to be.


Vive la difference

The morning becomes electric--2

Lying in bed this morning, I felt so much coursing into and through me.

I want to be everything my heart says to me.

So I listen closely.

And heed its lush call.

The morning becomes electric

I am allowing my heart to just be.

There is much my heart can take.

There is so, so much more my heart can give.

And that is where I am looking. Not down, but up.

Good morning


Sunday, June 8, 2008

Special things

One Friday evening when I was a teenager, I was being driven to a church function, and the driver, the Sunday school superintendent said, something to me that I've never forgotten.

Young man, you're going to do special things in your life. I see it.

When you're that young, you don't see it. You're too busy being a teenager.

But that moment has stayed with me.

There are special things left that I have to do. Some things I know. Others, I haven't the slightest idea.

Why do I believe in what's possible? Why am I as resilient as I am? Why am I so optimistic, even in the face of sadness?

Eleven words that were seared into the consciousness of a teenager.

Fathers and sons

Thank you, Rick Reilly.

I was going to wait and write this next weekend, when it's Father's Day--and my dad's birthday.

Sometimes sons feel a need to overcompensate for what their fathers did or didn't have, or do or didn't do.

I didn't meet my dad until I was 15. A strange thing to say, yes, but a stranger thing to feel.

I had male figures in my life--uncles, teachers, men in Scouting, men at church. But no father. I think I did ok, and my mom and my grandmother did the best they could on the limited means they had.

There were a lot of things I had to learn and do on my own, because I didn't have that central figure.

In Cub Scouts, there was something called the Pinewood Derby, where you have to make a car out of wood and race down a wooden track. The first year, I didn't have anyone to make a car for me. A neighbor tried to carve a design, but it wasn't good at all, and I finished last. I did get help the next year, from the father of another scout. But my dad.

I even taught myself how to shave.

You don't know how lucky and blessed I am. Black males without fathers can get into so much trouble. No, the place I grew up in wasn't dangerous (at all), but a small town can leave you with nothing to do sometimes. But the scouts and school activities kept me busy--and helped me grow. I look back and think of all the people who were angels, who looked out for me. Just me saying how thankful I am for them can't do justice to everything great and small they've done for me.

I've done a lot, and achieved a lot in my life. And my dad and I are cool now (except when the Redskins play the Cowboys). But every so often I wonder, how different my life would have been.

My best friend in school lived a couple of houses down from me. We played ball in the streets, played Star Wars and G.I. Joe, and ride our bikes through the neighborhood. What he didn't know was that I was jealous of him. He had a brother, a sister, a mother--and a father. A normal family.

I don't want my lack of a father growing up to be a crutch for me, for what I don't have. There are a lot of things I could have done with him, but I did a lot of things without him. I bear no grudge or ill-will to him. There is every reason in the world for me to be angry at him, and the world. I'm not.

So, you have a partial understanding of why I am the way I am. My story is one of not having what everyone has, and still making the best of what I have--and maybe being a little better than I have a right to be. This is why I don't give up easily--if I had given up when I was a kid, succumbed, if other people had given up on me, God only knows where I would be now.

Maybe I overcompensate. Maybe I overanalzye. Maybe it's because I owe people--people on this earth, people gone from it, people not yet on it--a debt. A debt I willing, cheerfully, gratefully want to pay back. I want to give what I didn't receive, until late.

I owe them the debt of a man who wasn't there.

I want to be better than my father. Not for the sake of competition or payback. But because I want to be there when my child needs that Pinewood Derby car made. Or needs to sell cookies. Or needs to know what life is like.

I mean, yeah...

I can do all the things a man can do. Don't worry about that.

But here, here is where I expose my soul.

Every word you see is naked.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Calm and dignity

Never go out of style.

Rest in peace. Mr. McKay
How can I make tomorrow better than today?


If you give people nothingness, they can ponder what can be achieved from that nothingness.

Tadao Ando

Thank you, sensei
I am grateful that I see more in myself than others see. And I am grateful that I can give all that is here.


Make your move

"I'm a pawn," he says happily a few days earlier. "A pawn has power. You can never tell what a pawn will do next. A pawn can take anybody on the board."

"I would -- what do you call that word? -- sacrifice myself for my family," says the 15-year-old. "If my mother was in danger, I would put myself in front of her so she doesn't get hurt. I would sacrifice myself for my mother."

I would make that same sacrifice for my mother, or anyone else I loved.

Here's the story of a remarkable young man.

Godspeed, my young brother.

The test

After this week, this country faces a test unlike any it has ever faced before. And win or lose, it will pass it.

Right on time//The mighty oak

This blog post is right on time. But I'd argue that even as I am being, I am growing.

Look at a tree. It's there, yes, and it may not seem to be doing much of anything.

But you can't see the roots grow day after day, week after week. Receiving nourishment from the sun and the rain.

Even as I am being, I am growing.



Heroism consists in hanging on one minute longer.

-Norwegian proverb

If we have...presence of mind then whatever work we do will be the very tool which enables us to know right and wrong continually. There's plenty of time to meditate, we just don't fully understand the practice, that's all. While sleeping we breathe, eating we breathe, don't we? Why don't we have time to meditate? Wherever we are we breathe. If we think like this then our life has as much value as our breath, wherever we are we have time.

-Ajahn Chah, "Taste of Freedom"

(hat tip)


Oh, what discoveries you make when you fall back to sleep...

My heart, my words I write here, and the feelings I feel are organic. Nothing is forced, everything moves and flows naturally and freely. If my energy says go, I go. If my energy says rest, I rest. Simple.

The dream I had was vivid, lucid. I was there before. Surprised to be there, but there I was. Her voice, her clothes, her face, her mannerisms, her eyes, just like before.

I was glad to be there.



The rules we're disobeying are the limits society places on us, and me...

Rien d’audacieux n’existe sans la désobéissance aux règles.

(How the French Foreign Legion describes its vin rose. Yes, they are making wine. )
I can love wholly and completely.

I want my soul enraptured.


Good morning

Yield and remain whole;
Bend and remain straight.
Be empty and remain full.
Be worn and remain anew.
Own little and be replete.
Own much and be restless.
Therefore the Sage embraces the ONE
And sets an example for the whole world.
He does not display himself,
And so he shines;
He does not defend himself,
And so he is distinguished;
He does not swagger,
And so he never stumbles;
He does not exult,
And so he excels.
He does not contend,
And so the world cannot contend with him.
The ancient adage "Yield and remain whole"
Is not empty assertion.
Be truly whole
And all things will come to you.

Tao Te Ching

Friday, June 6, 2008

Pick six

Better yet, take six

Curiously, love is missing. Why?

Picture of the day

Sunset on Mars

On May 19, 2005, NASA's Mars Exploration Rover Spirit captured this stunning view as the Sun sank below the rim of Gusev crater on Mars. This Panoramic Camera mosaic was taken around 6:07 in the evening of the rover's 489th Martian day, or sol.

Image Credit: NASA/JPL/Texas A&M/Cornell

This is awe-inspiring, almost like the picture of Earth rising from the horizon of the moon.

I get Buddhism quotes of the day sent to me. This one made me chuckle. It's from Pema Chodron

If you follow your heart, you're going to find that it is often extremely inconvenient.
i choose to be happy, excellent, extraordinary. but the thing is i have to renew the choice everyday.

My sensei, my heart still beats with power and with fire. I don't care if it should, or if I get hurt. I feel it, it is present. Instead of my energy being shut down, or diminished, it runs as never before.



And suddenly I saw the heavens unfastened and open,
palpitating plantations,
shadow perforated,
riddled with arrows,
fire and flowers,
the winding night, the universe
And I, infinitesemal being,
drunk with the great starry void,
likeness, image of mystery,
I felt myself a pure part of the abyss,
i wheeled with the stars,
my heart broke free on the open sky.
-Pablo Neruda from Poetry
Some mornings, when I wake up, I write because I have an abundance of energy. Sometimes, however, I am just still. Drinking in the silence.



Good morning

And it's a good morning, indeed. Why? Just because.

It's an extraordinary morning.


Thursday, June 5, 2008

Mirror, mirror

Show me what's there...

Fierce, quiet determination

An indomitable will

A gentle, loving heart


Creme brulee

Yes, the patina of sadness is present.

But, let's think of it like creme brulee.

There's a restaurant in Brussels, near the old canal, called La Villette. Small place, not conducive for loud Americans. I can't remember what they had, except for the creme brulee, because it was made from Chimay beer. And, yes, it was good.

Good creme brulee should have a surface that shouldn't be too hard to crack. My patina, my surface, is really nothing.

That creamy, rich filling below--ah, that is where the fun is.

Sometimes, if you can't give someone what you want, you give them what you can.



Here are a couple of questions for you.

When is it ok to lie?

What were you doing when you were 17?

Jack Lucas lied.

But he had a good reason to.
Thank you, sensei, for the realization.


Ownership clause

I have a car. I have a computer. I have a TV. I have clothes. I have books.
I have material things.
There are only three things in this world I truly possess.
My heart. My soul. My spirit.

Ouvert 24/24

In Belgium, I would see these signs around:

Ouvert 24h sur 24h

Or, open 24 hours (a rarity there).

This is what I aim for with my heart. To be open to everything that comes into its realm.

And it hurts sometimes.

Twice today, I found myself shedding tears. Of joy, and of sorrow.

Tears for my friend's mother, who will be ok after chemo to get rid of the cancer.

Tears of sorrow for a man hit by someone who didn't stop. And tears of anger at the people who stood by and did nothing to aid him.

And you want me to close off my heart, my soul, my empathy, my compassion?

They will stay open.

Vingt quatre sur vingt quatre.


I want to be connected to everything I feel, sense, experience. Everything.
I want to have compassion for everything and everyone I encounter.
And may God Himself strike me down if I am ever this insensitive.
I don't care if you felt "uncomfortable." Get off your ass and help the man...

^Associated Press Writer=

   HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) _ Police released chilling surveillance
video of a hit-and-run accident in hopes of catching the
unidientified driver who ran down a 78-year-old pedestrian,
paralyzing him, and to show the callousness of bystanders who did
nothing to help.
   The gripping one-minute video shows the violent May 30 accident
and bystanders' apparent lack of sympathy. No one rushes to Angel
Arce Torres' aid, and no one bothers to stop traffic as Torres lays
motionless in the street.
   In the video, released by police Wednesday, Torres walks in the
two-way street at 5:45 p.m. after buying milk at a local grocery.
He is struck by a dark Honda that was chasing a tan Toyota. Both
cars dart down a side street as Torres crumples to the pavement.
   Several cars pass Torres as a few people stare from the
sidewalk. Some approach Torres, but most stay put until a police
cruiser responding to an unrelated call arrives on the scene.
   Police suggested the video shows a city that has lost its moral
   ``At the end of the day we've got to look at ourselves and
understand that our moral values have now changed.'' Police Chief
Daryl Roberts said. ``We have no regard for each other.''
   Torres is paralyzed and remains in critical condition in
Hartford Hospital.
   His son, Angel Arce, begged the public for help.
   ``My father is fighting for his life,'' Arce said. ``I would
like the public right now to help us in identifying the car and the
person that did this.''
   Robert Luna, who works at a nearby store, blamed witnesses for
failing to help Torres. ``It took too long to call police,'' he
said Thursday. ``Nobody did nothing.''
   Witness Bryant Hayre said he didn't feel comfortable helping
Torres, who he said was bleeding and conscious.
   ``Whoever did this should be sent away for a long time,'' Hayre
told The Hartford Courant. ``It was as if he was a dog left in the
street to die.''

Some good news

The mass that was found in my friend's mother was cancerous. was caught early, and the mass hasn't spread and the doctors foresee an 80% positive outcome of it going away completely.
It shows me what the power of positive thought can do.
What envelopes me this morning, and every morning, is the sweet embrace of life.


The tao of driving--IV

Enveloping the soul

Some mornings, when I drive, I get this strange feeling coming over me.

Like, I am holding a woman while I drive. I feel her arms around me, her warm skin against mine, her kisses on my lips.

It's not that I can't explain it (I can't), but I don't want to.

It's just there.


Path ways

Good morning.

Where are you going today?


Wednesday, June 4, 2008

More fighting

I am fighting, but not a pier six brawl.

It's the good fight. The one my heart wants to undertake.


The tao of driving--III

A fool in the rain

Most people hate the rain. This corner is not among them.

I've camped, danced, played, kissed, ate in the rain.

And I've driven in it.

A couple of weeks ago, I encountered the worst commute I've had. Fog, rain, sloppy road, scared commuters: A mix asking for trouble.


I drove through this deluge and fog calm, steady, sure-footed. And slow. My goal was to get home in one piece. I slowed down just enough to give myself a cushion to react. In a way, stepping back and observe myself.

But there was something else. Everyone else on the road seemed to be moving in slow motion as I moved past them. As if they were scared of the rain. Why? It's as natural as breathing.

Just slow down.


The tao of driving--II


At 70 mph, how can I be still?

Two words:

Just be.


The tao of driving--I

Patience is passion. And passion is patience.

When I drive, I don't want to tailgate (yeah, lady in the blue Volvo, I'm talking to you). If I need to pass someone, I'm going to be patient. See the hole, take it. If it's not there, I don't force it

I move with the rhythm of the river of cars.

Until my moment comes.


“In any activity, it is important to know what to expect, the means of obtaining the objective, and our capability for the proposed task.

“Only he who, thus equipped, feels no desire for the results of the conquest, and remains absorbed in the combat, can truly say he has renounced the fruit.

“One can renounce the fruit, but that renouncement does not mean indifference to the result.”

The warrior of the light listens respectfully to Ghandi’s strategy. And is not distracted by people who, incapable of achieving any result, are forever preaching renouncement.

hat tip


Allowances and tolerances

I have to allow myself to be human. I have to be flexible, supple to the movements of life.

The Warrior of Light does not always have faith.
(Manual of the Warrior of Light)


"When you can show that you can bounce back from a setback, that adds some texture to you," David Plouffe, Barack Obama's campaign manager said. "And I think in this case it did for us. And I think as it turned out, this kind of race where we weren't on just this incredible rocket ride, there's been a lot of ups and downs, probably served us pretty well. You know, we've always been best when we're the feisty underdog."

hat tip

Are you experienced?

Does this morning's state of being make me less of a man?

Absolutely not.

What I am swimming through is as deep, rich, and soulful an experience as I have ever encountered. This is what I have, what I feel and want to give to someone. And isn't that the point?

I want to reach my highest good for someone, and for me, it is to give her that deep, rich, soulful experience. To let her know she is loved unconditionally. And that deep, rich, soulful experience is always there for her to take strength.

Because as she can see, and I can feel, I am inexhaustible.



This morning I woke to a beautiful, natural symphony of birds and rain. As I lay in bed, I wondered how I can sustain this wonderful, magical feeling. The answer came quickly.

Don't worry about it.

What I am experiencing now, and have been for months, has been, and will continue to be, extraordinary. I don't want less than this experience.

I've never occupied such a space, and it scares me. No matter. The toughest thing is not being able to share this closely with someone.

Thank you my sensei. I wouldn't be in this space without you.


Practice, practice, practice

If someone wants to play music you do not have to get a ruler or whips to make them practice.--Thelonious Monk.

They would tell me to practice, and they would get on my case, but only because they knew that's what I wanted to do. They never really did pressure me. They wouldn't have made me take lessons if my heart wasn't in it. I was 3 or 4 years old, and I wanted it.--Taylor Eigsti

Hat tip


All the energy I have boiling, rippling, pulsating, flowing me has to manifest itself somewhere.

For now, this is the best place, with the hope for it to flow beyond here, beyond me.


Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Fight/no fight

Yes, I am fighting, for a heart I can't have, fighting to open my heart even more.

No, I am not fighting against anyone, or against my feelings.

I am simply being.


The veil of strength

I think one of my great strengths is to not be afraid of the patina of sadness that is present.

Now, the patina does not hold me hostage. I acknowledge its presence, how it runs its finger along my conscience.

But even as it touches me, what envelops me soul is the warm veil of possibilities, the journey, its rewards. The veil serves a dual purpose. To shield me from the patina's draining energy, and to give me energy to continue the journey.

Life is about overcoming, growing, strengthening. And having fun.

From Paulo Coelho's question of the day...

The Greek poet Kavafis, referring to Ulysses, says: “keep Ithaca in mind, but I hope that your journey will last many years, and you will learn everything you need to learn.” Although he was forced to face difficult circumstances, he knew that Penelope was waiting for him at the end of his ordeals. This happens to all of us - we must have confidence that, in the end, we will find what we have been struggling for.

I don't want the journey to last years. I guess I'm a victim of the I-want-it-now culture we live in. But I think I'm built a little different. I know that the journey is never as fast as I want it to be. Experience has taught me that. Experience has also taught me to keep...fighting.

The confidence/high regard I have for myself is hard-won, battle-tested. It doesn't shoot out of my butt like fireworks, but it is ever-present.

The journey/sojourn/pilgrimage, I suppose, is like a child--just beginning.

I love the mind of Paulo Coelho...

“Yes,” the warrior hears someone say, “I must understand everything, before taking a decision. I want the freedom to change my mind.”

The warrior considers this sentence and questions it. He may have the same freedom, but this does not prevent him from fulfilling some duty, even if he does not understand exactly why he does so.

A warrior of the light takes decisions. His soul is as free as the clouds in the sky, but he has a duty to his dream. On his freely chosen path, he must awake at times he dislikes, speak to people who bring him nothing, and make some sacrifices.

Friends comment: “you are forever sacrificing. You are not free.”

The warrior is free. But he knows that an open oven does not bake bread.

Foster child

I want to foster creativity, soul, heart, love, passion, compassion, nourishment, into the heart and soul of another.


Great idea

Why don’t we get the best out of people? Sir Ken Robinson argues that it’s because we’ve been educated to become good workers, rather than creative thinkers. Students with restless minds and bodies — far from being cultivated for their energy and curiosity — are ignored or even stigmatized, with terrible consequences.

We are educating people out of their creativity,” Robinson says. It’s a message with deep resonance. Robinson’s TEDTalk has been distributed widely around the Web since its release in June 2006. The most popular words framing blog posts on his talk? “Everyone should watch this.”

Hat tip


Being attached is what prevents us from seeing, it is what clouds this miraculous awareness.

Geoffrey Shugen Arnold

(It may appear that I'm attached. It's not the case. I see.)

Higher standards

My soul wants to move higher, not lower. It wants nourishment. It wants to nourish another.


Big day today

For my friend's mom, not me. The results from the biopsy come back.

I hate this feeling of helplessness, of sitting on the sidelines not being able to do anything to help.

The story of my life for the past few months.

Still, if all I can give are good words and good thoughts, here they are.

My fingers are crossed for her.


Monday, June 2, 2008

A two-fer

Why am I (seemingly) so serious? Why don't I go to the movies more often?

For starters, I'm not always so serious. For example, I'm watching hockey right now. (Dude, shave your beard. Seriously.) I snort like a pig when I laugh. I crack jokes.

As for the movies, when Hollywood makes a movie as hilarious as Blazing Saddles, I'll go. It's the funniest movie of all-time. Don't fight me on this--it's true.

Now, go out there, and do that voodoo that you do so well!

A trinity

Of suffering....

I suffer for art.

I suffer for my calling.

I suffer for love.

Saying all that...

Suffering has no strength to wound a weary body


Child-like 3

I'm glad I feel like a little kid.

I'm glad life and writing feel organic.


Rest in peace, Bo Diddley...

"Seventy ain't nothing but a damn number," he told The Associated Press in 1999. "I'm writing and creating new stuff and putting together new different things. Trying to stay out there and roll with the punches. I ain't quit yet."

I'm glad I saw him at the Bottom Line years ago.

Promises, promises

Four months ago I was in Paris, and I made a promise to myself. I am fulfilling the promise at every moment.



I write a lot of words here, because I live and breath and feel them. I want the actions that will stem from my words to be in alignment.


Why is it that it seems like we only find poetry when our hearts are broken? Why is there such beauty in the pain of a broken heart?

Rock you like a hurricane

Sometimes, those pulses I feel come like a light breeze.

Other times, like this morning, they come like a hurricane.

No apologies

I saw this in a description of what a woman is looking for in a guy on a dating site...

I want somebody with a little thug in him.

Want to make me seethe? Ask me to be this way.

And then watch me walk out the door.

When you look at me, you will not find a thug.

You will find a caring, passionate, compassionate, loving man.

If that's not what you want, I can't help you.

Take my hand

And let's dance...
At any moment, I am being in the manner I see myself. I want to bring grace, dignity, heart and soul to everything I do and to everyone I encounter. I want to give the fullness of me.

This morning is wonderful. Simply for the fact that I feel fantastic about how and what I feel.

(It's a broken record, yes, but what a beautiful song, with all the skips, pops, and crackles.)

The light coolness of the morning

The stillness of the dawning air

The reverie my soul feels

A new day begins

Another new adventure embarks


Sunday, June 1, 2008

It hurts knowing that someone could use a helping hand, and you can't give it to them.



Smile for the day, right here.

Name game

I laugh at myself. Not in derision, or sorrow.

But in amazing myself.

No, I chuckle to myself, my spirit will be fertilized by that rich soil, not buried in it.
I am writing, doing, being, things that men aren't expected to do, or are thought not capable of doing. It makes me sort of a rebel. ;-)

But the rebellion/journey/sojourn/pilgrimage is for the heart, the soul and the spirit. To feed and be fed.

The rich, fertile soul my spirit lies in is for growth, not burial.

The stillness of the warm morning fortifies my soul. She whispers into my ear...

Do not bury your spirit. You wholly acknowledge your position, and the position of others. Nourish and nurture your spirit. Allow it to bloom. Remember the lotus flower? Such a fragile thing contains enormous strength. We are all fragile. We are all strong. Allow your spirit to grow and nourish yourself. It will nourish the soul of another. Namaste, my beautiful angel of spirit.

The tao of magnets

Seen on a friend's fridge...

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

We often lose sight of that small nugget of insight. And that's where trouble can start.

Stay out of trouble.

Let's be clear here...

It's the journey, the pilgrimage, the sojourn.

The tangibles of life are not what I seek. It is the intangibles I seek that wake me from my slumber, and begin a new adventure as the light breaks the horizon.


When I look in that mirror, I see what is present, and what I am capable of being.

Welcome to June.

Yes, I have allowed it to be present. To be. To be still.