Deny thyself

That seems to have been my motto, my modus operandi, for awhile. I always seem to sacrifice and give up something now, either because I don't feel like I deserve it, or there's an impeding sense of worse to come, or I'm not in a position to reap the rewards. It's a tough cycle, and whenever I think I can get out of the hole, a hairy arm reaches up to pull me back. When, I wonder, can I hack that arm, and be free, physically and psychically?

In the end

All I can do is all I can do. And all I can be is me. With all the warts, idiosyncrasies, joys, smiles that make me, me. It's never going to be smooth, or storm-tossed. Somewhere in between.

Or maybe I simply need to appreciate the moment. And stop having battles with myself.

Oh, that's it!

Whoops, I screwed up. This is the answer to life. Sorry about that. Carry on. As you were....

An indomitable spirit

Marcel Marceau died a few days ago. This Economist obituary captures the spirit of his alter ego perfectly. Bip seemed to be like all of us: we try, strive, fall short, want to give up and walk away. But he stayed, and stumbled through. Like the rest of us do.

“Bip”, said Mr Marceau, “is a hero of our time. His gaze is turned not only towards heaven, but into the hearts of men.”

More lessons

I heard this song, sung by this woman, on this radio station last night. Life really isn't a secret, is it?

New ways of thinking

This is an, um, interesting way of seeing things. Ten life lessons from coffins. But if the lessons are worthwhile, you run with them. I like lessons two, three and seven. Charting your own course is simply being who you are.

Power to the people

I've never been over the moon about cameras on cellphones. The quality whiffs, mainly. If you really need a picture, there are better, real cameras that will fix you up nicely. The things, I thought, were mostly a tool for vanity. Until today.

The pictures coming from Burma/Myanmar are heartbreaking. People standing up to a brutal regime are being violently broken up. And with foreign media mostly banned from the country, getting news about the protests would normally be difficult. But those cellphones, with those cameras, are getting the word out. And so are the blogs. Despots want control. Control of movement, thought and information. Depriving the people of those currencies would slow movements for democracies like the "Saffron Revolution." But not for long. They never did.

Float

Sometimes, and as hard as it can be, you have to allow yourself to float along. Not fight the feeling. Stretch out, close your eyes, and drift through. With a smile on your face.

Polishing the cannonball

Some more items up on the tumblelog, including....

not using yourself as a punching bag
pieces to the puzzle of a great life
the power of persistence

Check them out...

Fear what?

My mind is strange. Sometimes I fear things, and want no part of them. Other times, and other things, I want to dive in. Why?

Today is a day

To stay inside. To mull. To ruminate. To contemplate. It's gray outside. A little foggy, a little cool. I want to stay inside and write. Or walk outside, and let my mind drift to faraway places and adventures. I hope it rains today. We really need it.

Hard things are hard...

...Until you do them. You build up all these anxieties, worries about a task, a chore. It's drudgery, your shoulders slump, you trudge in. With a deep, mournful sigh, you get to work. And working away, you notice that, yeah, it's not a parade, but it's easier to slog through than you thought. There's some elbow grease involved. But were the worries worth it? Didn't think so...

Unexhausted has been my virtue

Through the trials and tribulations, the highs and smiles of life, one has to keep going. Maintaining that even keel in storms and calm seas. A paradox, a puzzle. And throughout, you have to have energy to keep the journey going. Your stores have be deep, and they have to be replenished over a period of time. Life is a marathon, and unexhausted has to be your virtue.

...And we're back...

...After a few days of R&R, and embarking on a new adventure. There will be twists and turns on this new highway, but the journey is worth it.

One should never be afraid of abundance, or success. And I'm not talking about the material kind, but the spiritual kind. You have the right to be happy, joyous. No one can take that always, only you can. Sometimes the worst enemy you have is yourself. Robbing yourself of what you deserve can't get you anywhere. Take what is naturally yours. Be bold. The people who care about you will stand with, and catch you. Just keep moving ahead. As jazz drummer Philly Joe Jones once said...

"You never achieve what you want. You're always forging ahead."

Forge on.

More good web articles to read right over yonder.

Maiden voyage

In the Bible, Luke 5:4 says:

When He had finished speaking, He said to Simon, "Put out into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch."

Deep water is not easy to wade into. You don't know the currents, the tides, where the sandbars are. But you study charts, ask knowledgeable watermen where danger lurks. You study more, ask more questions. And then, the day, the hour comes when whatever fears, worries, trepidations you have are cast aside. The quest for adventure overcomes the comfort of staying on the shore. You say, "I want to put my boat in the water, cast my nets, and see what I can catch." You don't know if you'll reel in guppies or whales. Or if the whale will reel you in. But you cast anyway...

Workaday world

I've worked manual jobs in my life. My first job was picking up trash near and at the paper mill in my hometown. I've made heating and air conditioning ducts in a factory. I've worked for a certain fast-food company, from slinging sliders to shift manager. I've had reason to be tired in those jobs, having worked and moved and been on my feet all day. The gig I have now leaves me sitting at a desk, in front of a PC all day. So why am I as tired at the end of the day now as I was standing over a hot grill? Is it the mental aspects of my job wear on me? How can I recover well for the next test?

Odds and sods

Catching up after some time away...

Saturday, I wasn't feeling so hot. I had a special deed I had to undertake yesterday and today. I was fretting it--it's very intense work, and it's all you can do to keep your head above the wave. A buddy of mine and his wife invited me to a function involving ice cream. I was game for it. The drive was just so-so, despite a nice day. Getting there, we watched as my friend valiantly tried to win an ice-cream eating contest. Later, we went to dinner and chatted and shot the breeze. Afterward, I felt better about the task ahead of me. Nothing like friends and motion to keep you in balance.

Tiger did it again. He won the Tour Championship, and the first FedEx Cup. Give him credit--when there is something of value on the line, he brings it. Every time. No fuss, no muss. Just the will to get what he wants. It's no longer about the money for him (though the $10 million for winning the Cup is nice). It's about the competition. As he says, "You play, and when you play, you play to win, period. That’s how my dad raised me is you go out there and win.” The essence of simplicity.

There are some new and not-so-new posts on the tumblelog, including one on examples of not giving up. Well worth a read, and well worth remembering....

Ignorance is bliss

Bill Belichick, coach of the New England Patriots, got busted this week for spying on his first week's opponent. One of his assistants was seen videotaping the other team, the New York Jets. All sorts of drama here. The coach of the Jets was once Belichick's assistant, and Belichick was not happy about him leaving. He's been warned once before about spying on teams. There's been talk of the team jamming radio frequencies coaches use to talk to other coaches in the booth.

The rulebook states clearly that videotaping of coaches during the game is not allowed. Yet, Belichick willfully ignored the rule, saying he had misinterpreted something that is pretty unambiguous. The icing on the cake was the press conferences. His are dry as toast anyway, but his refusal to address it at all is eye-popping. What does it take to ignore slings and arrows coming for you? Do you need such a huge ego that the arrows, and the transgressions, just bounce off you and mean nothing?

Some think the punishment--$500,000 personal fine, team fine of $250,000, loss of draft picks--is too lenient, and he should be suspended. If you really want to make a statement, make the Pats forfeit the game. That will get people's attention.

In the end, this sort of espionage is small-bore compared to the real thing.

The blink of an eye

What can you do, or what have you done, in 35 minutes that will leave a lasting mark on society, the arts, pop culture? Anything? Impossible?

You're a songwriter, and it's the middle of summer. Blazing hot. You're thinking of a way to keep cool, doodling around. Your singer/songwriter comes up and wonders what you're doing. You tell him about your predicament, and he looks at your charts, likes what he sees, and proceeds to extend and play with it. Thirty-five minutes later...

Pure bliss. And a classic.

Mel Torme and Robert Wells wrote a song that's never gone out of style. NPR profiles Torme in a recent edition of their Jazz Profiles program. The way he used his voice as an instrument is astounding. And so was his songwriting.

Silent running

Another day, another deed. I woke before dawn to make my run into the city and dive into the river of humanity. I take the train up, and for the past two days, I've been able to get a seat. It beats standing for half an hour. But the only sound I hear is of the train racing along the tracks. I know it's 6.15 in the morning, but you expect some form, some semblance of life. But most are catching up on the news, tapping away on their BlackBerrys, on trying for more sleep before another full day at the office. Or, like me, earphones strapped in, listening to music, staring out the window at the crystal-clear morning sky.