It's not much

But, it's a start...

So much

There is so much I want to express--my love, my compassion, my sympathy, my care, my concern. I remain ready and open to give. I've never been so ready and open in my life. Despite it all. I write this not from a position of sadness, but of ultimate joy.

Child-like

Have you ever looked at someone and wondered what they were like as a kid? Good, quiet or bad-ass?

Re-discovery

This morning, I rediscovered strength and beauty.

Good morning

It's the start of a new day. Let's see where it takes us.

Global warming

I'm all for the environmental movement. There is something really strange happening with the weather--that much you can't deny. We all should be aware of how we interact with Mother Nature.

But what I'm afraid of is a creeping correctness that will stifle simple adventure and exploration and coming together. Case in point--The U.N. is holding a meeting in Bali to discuss climate change. Problem is, the participants had to fly in, adding to carbon emissions in the atmosphere. And yes, people are complaining about it.

My worst fear is that one day, plane travel will strictly limited. Much to the detriment of us all. It's a tradeoff--the emissions that spew out of the plane on its way someplace, and our insatiable need to explore, see the world for ourselves. Humans are a curious lot--we need to know what is in our surroundings to make sense of the world. The internet is a great tool for finding the recipe for creme brulee, but it's another thing entirely to eat a creme brulee on the Boul. St. Germain in Paris. You have to feel life.

Danger

I did something very dangerous at work today. I meditated. For one minute, at my desk, I sat still. Let the noise of the place turn into a buzz in the background. Observed myself breathing in, breathing out. Felt my heart pumping. A minute's respite can do wonders for the soul.

A good story

To remember.

And children ask the best, toughest questions.

Powerful words

Here, from LaVar Arrington, a former teammate of Sean Taylor. When I heard Arrington's words on the radio this afternoon, I cried--they touched me deeply. As Arrington asks, I'm taking advantage of the opportunity.

I love you.

In the air

In the still and calm of the morning, thoughts settle to the earth like a leaf, blown from a tree, floating to the ground.

The path

Oh Great Master,

Is the journey worth it? Worth the pain, the trials, the vicissitudes?

I guess I'll have to find out, won't I?

Yes, I will.

Compass

I want to be fulfilled. I want to fulfill others. Plain and simple.

The art of life

Part of life is eating well and drinking well. Note, I didn't say eat like a glutton, and drink like a lush. It's about sumptuousness. The surroundings. The company (even if you're dining solo).

It's about a sage turkey sausage omelet with American cheese and spinach. Every bite a dance, a ballet for the sense of taste. A mimosa (or two) to chase it down heightens the feeling of reverie.

It's about a drink at a most luxurious bar. The martini, one of those specialty drinks, was a tad sweet, but the luxe surroundings wash over you and tame the sweetness.

It's a bison steak, which was fine. But the small piece of bread, unadorned by any butter, melted in the mouth smoothly, decadently. The eyes close, luxuriating in the sensation of goodness.

To savor the nice, small, fine moments of food, of life.

Fashion tips

I'm an OK dresser---conservative, but sharp. I like clothes that wear well, classic styles that stand well against time (example--Bass Weejuns--and yes, I put pennies in the slots.) If I had a uniform, it's the black Eddie Bauer sweater I have on, jeans, and loafers. Casual, comfortable. In a word, me.

That said, I have three fashion bones to pick...

The low-rider jeans thing with women has to end. Now. Being a guy, an atypical one, I want a sense of discovery, mystery with a woman. I prefer not seeing everything hanging out. And a little more material accentuates what a woman has.

When I see a couple out, invariably, the woman is dressed well, beautifully. And the guy is dressed like a slob. I exaggerate on the guy's side, but men need to make the effort to look good for their lady. Is it too much to ask for?

I like tartans. I love the patterns, all of which carry a story. I have no problem at all with kilts having tartans, but I'm having trouble wrapping my head around pants with tartans. I can't do it. Somebody can, though.

Thoughts of light

More on this, from here...

The Warrior of the Light always manages to balance Rigor and Mercy.

To attain his dream, he needs a strong will and an enormous capacity for acceptance. Although he may have an objective, the path that leads to that objective is not always as he imagined it would be.

That is why the Warrior uses a mixture of discipline and compassion. God never abandons His children, but His purposes are unfathomable, and He builds the road with our own steps.

The Warrior uses that combination of discipline and acceptance to fuel his enthusiasm. Routine was never the leader of any important new movement.

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And this, too...

When somebody wants something, the entire Universe conspires in their favor. The Warrior of the Light knows this.

For this reason, he takes great care with his thoughts. Hidden beneath a whole series of good intentions lie feelings that no one dares confess to himself: vengeance, self-destruction, guilt, fear of winning, a macabre joy at other people's tragedies.

The Universe does not judge; it conspires in favor of what we want. That is why the Warrior has the courage to look into the dark places of his soul in order to ensure that he is not asking for the wrong things.

And he is always very careful about of what he thinks.

Young at heart

The past couple of months have been tough on me. There have been times where I've felt tapped out, worn out, stretched farther than I had ever been stretched before. Usually, if you've been worn out, you feel old, used, in great need of rest. Yes, I've felt the need for rest, and I have taken the opportunity. But I feel younger having gone through what I have experienced over the past few weeks. It's odd, yes, but through tears and sleepless nights, I have felt energized by this. I've gotten strength from having something terrible happen to me. The strength also comes from knowing, innately, naturally, what's inside this bag of bones. I understand, innately, what I have to offer, freely, openly.

What counts

The new job I'm taking isn't important to me; my life is. Happiness in my life is the main goal. If that's not there, the job isn't much of a salve.

Lights below, lights above

A few weekends ago, I went to Brussels. A trip and a city I thoroughly enjoy.

The flight is always good, despite the food and the lack of sleep. I'm not the best flier. Takeoff--that moment when the plane, finally gaining enough speed, slips the surly bonds of the earth and reaches into the air--leaves me jumpy. Then I look out the window. There, below me, is a carpet of light that stretches far and wide. And soon, darkness, save for the light of the moon, helping to guide our way. Then, as the morning light edges over the horizon, sights once thought to be only a memory--terra cotta roofs, canals, an atom of iron--welcome you back.

Doors opening

The Washington Metro system is the second-busiest in the U.S. and a neat ride. The ceilings are vaulted, evoking the monumental city above it. The system is easy to use (though the farecards can trip people up). When the train approaches the station, lights on the edge of the platform blink. And when that train stops, a woman invokes, chirpily, two words all Washingtonians know.

My doors are open. Even if they don't appear so. Push through. I'm on the other side.

Dreams

Last night, why did I dream about...

• riding my bike through my hometown at night (for the second night running)?
• continually driving uphill?
• getting feedback from someone I hadn't work with in five years?

Interesting...